Day 249: "It's a pity the law doesn't allow me to be merciful."

Not being a follower of theatre, musicals, or Andrew Lloyd Webber, I was never really interested in seeing Les Miserables.  Having spent some time in London, however, I could not pass up the opportunity to see the musical in the West End.  I was unimpressed, it struck me as boring, confusing, and ultimately: pretentious.  Funny thing, all of those words are the ones I still use to describe "Big Theatre."  The movie popped on TV to day, and, being exhausted, I just left it on and succumbed to the inevitable.  The 1998 movie actually made sense of the story to me.  The film actually includes a major chunk of Valjean's life that's not in the musical.  That might've helped in trying to tell the story Mr. Webber.  Taking place over decades, Les Miserables is the story of one man paying an enormous price for the crime of being horrifically poor and hungry.  Jean Valjean steals a loaf of bread, and winds up paying for it for decades following due largely to the obsessive-compulsive pursuit of law officer Javert, who cannot let him go.  Seriously, man....it was a loaf of bread.  Talk about a serious misappropriation of resources.  This is simply the surface of the story, and you mus simply see the movie to catch it all.

Liam Neeson plays Valjean, Geoffrey Rush is his nemesis Javert, Claire Danes is his Valjean's adopted daughter Cosette, and Uma Thurman is Cosette's doomed mother Fantine.  The film is incredibly well acted, if a bit slow in places, but the performances make up for those bits.

If you'd like to know the story of Les Miserables this is the most easily accessible, short of actually reading the book.  I liked this a lot more than I thought I would, but it's still not something I would actively choose to watch.  I guess laziness kind of paid off here.  Give it a shot, you might like it.  7/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 248: "Run from me and I will tear apart the mountains to find you!"

Being a fan of the original Arnold Conan the Barbarian, I was absolutely loathe to see the 3D film that was being passed off as the franchise reboot.  I hate being right as much as I am.  The 2011 release of Conan the Barbarian was worse than I thought it would be.  Lackluster action, a non-existent plot, terrible acting and everything not nailed down on the set being thrown at me in 3D was more than enough to trash this movie.  This has to be the most uninspired Conan I've seen, and I've seen Conan the Destroyer.  The character of Conan is supposed to full of passion and rage, this one just sits and smolders until it's time to draw his enormous sword and hack through waves of enemies.  YAWN.....  Conan's parents are once again slaughtered, and young Conan enters into a life of misery until he has the opportunity to pursue his vengeance.  IN 3D!!!!!!  Awful.  Even the effects are mediocre.

Hawaiian-born beefcake Jason Momoa stars as Conan.  Meh.  How could the filmmakers forget that Conan is from a northern climate, and cast a Samoan linebacker?  Whatever.  Ron Perlman is Conan's father, putting little effort into the part.  I really don't feel like insulting the rest of the cast here, so I'll move on.

Conan the Barbarian is just lazy, bored filmmakers regurgitating their favorite movies from their youth using the most recent, fad technologies to jazz it up.  I gues the biggest issue for me is the fact that Conan actually has lines to deliver.  The original let Arnold loose as Conan, and kept his mouth shut (seriously, in the whole movie he's got about 15 lines total).  Skip this and watch Arnold in all his glory.  4/10.

See you tomorrow and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 247: "You are absolutely powerless!"

Yet again I delve into the Blair Witch school of horror film making as I chose to see Paranormal Activity this evening.  Honestly the best thing that directors have taken away from Blair Witch was making the decision to invest in a tripod, because the stories have gotten so much better.  The idea of utilizing a "normal" or "safe" environment and then injecting suspense and horror into the public's mind, inside of that environment, is a much more effective tool for terror than huge and gory effects (although I love those too).  The "real world" setting and lack of flashy effects forced me to use my imagination, and that helped to make Paranormal Activity one of the scariest movies I've seen in a while.  A couple has moved into a home together, and a series of weird events start happening: lights get mysteriously switched on, doors closing of, seemingly, their own accord.  The boyfriend is skeptical and sets up a camera to try and capture these events as they happen, which is at night while they sleep.  We later discover that the woman has felt a "presence" and believes that something is trying to harm her.  The things get nuts.  I have to admit, I will put the ending of this up in the top pantheon of horror endings, as it creeped me out to no end.  My bedroom door will now remain shut.

First time director Oren Peli had an equally rookie cast for this movie, Katie Featherston and Micah Sloat as the tormented couple, not so coincidentally named Katie and Micah.  The two seemed very immersed in the roles, and really looked and acted deeply scared by the end of the movie.

Alfred Hitchcock once used a cooler full of champagne bottles to convey a building of suspense (Notorious, also one of his best movies), and Peli uses the time on the video for the same effect, only when the timer returns to normal, it's go time.  I love when the simplest things are effectively used to build a sense of impending doom: two musical notes, in Jaws, champagne bottles in Notorious, and a digital timer here.  I was not expecting this to be as scary as it wound up being, and for that, I applaud.  7.75/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 246: "..if I do not produce the whereabouts of this man she said she will kill a memeber of my family every week until I have none left."

In the same vein as such films as La Femme Nikita, Colombiana is the tragic tale of a life gone in the wrong direction.  Written by Luc Besson, who has made a career of telling the story of women forced into a life of assassination, Colombiana only differs in the details.  A young girl witnesses the murders of her mother and father, who have been betrayed by the drug lord that they have been serving.  She narrowly escapes with incriminating evidence against said kingpin, and uses this to immigrate to the United States and goes to live with her uncle, himself a strong arm/assassin.  She learns the trade and becomes a social chameleon, weaving in and out of situations and avenging the deaths of her parents.  In true Besson style, she becomes involved with a man who wants to know all about her, but she is secretive and he becomes suspicious.  She also has an overly diligent FBI agent who has been tracking her "progress" across the country.  This is a very derivative movie, but it is exciting nonetheless.

Zoe Saldana is wonderful as the adult Cataleya, but the young actress who plays the nine year old Cataleya, Amandla Stenberg, is magnificent.  She showed such amazingly raw emotion during the entirety of her ordeal, that I believed she may have actually gone through this.  The movie also stars Lenny James as FBI agent Ross, Jordi Molla as Marco, the assassin hunting Cataleya, and Michael Vartan as corrupt CIA agent Delanay.

La Femme Nikita is a superior movie, but that is not to say that Colombiana is bad.  There needed to be a bit more action for my taste, and the adult Cataleya is a bit one dimensional, but the film holds up as a very good, modern action movie.  Her first assassination is particularly cool.  8/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 245: "If you come back in, I'll hit you with so many rights you'll be begging for a left."

Apologies for the late blog, but my internet "provider" failed in their single purpose last night.  Anyway, after 243 days, I finally have gotten to a Chuck Norris movie!  1985's Invasion U.S.A. is, to be completely honest, an awful movie, but DAMN was it fun to watch.  This was like a spoof movie that didn't know it was supposed to be a spoof movie.  This was set in the twilight of the Cold War, so the Soviets and Cubans were still the bad guys du jour.  Financed by cocaine deals, a Russian militant decides to stage the first actual physical attack on U.S. soil in over a century.  He attacks, not only America, but its institutions as well.  This guy has the utter nerve to attack a mall in deep in the throes of the Christmas shopping season.  THE HORROR!!!!!  Watching this, I couldn't help but laugh at the way everyone in it took it so seriously.  This was so awesomely bad, I couldn't help but like it. 

The filmmakers really didn't need chuck Norris in this, as his beard was probably the toughest thing in it.  Chuck does his usual ass-kicking job here as Matt Hunter.  As his evil alter ego, Richard Lynch (forever cast as the villain) plays Mikhail Rostov.  The two glare hard at each other and try to out-tough their underlings by doing more and more horrible acts. 

Invasion U.S.A is as ultra-right wing as action films get.  If only the filmmakers had injected a bit of humor....oh well, I'll take what I can get.  A lot of bloody violence, a lot of revenge for attacked American pastimes and institutions and a whole bunch of Chuck Norris machismo make or a really fun movie, assuming you don't take it seriously at all.  7.5/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 244: "According to all official reports, Apollo 17 was the final lunar mission."

Apollo 18 takes on the sci-fi/horror genre in a fresh way, and succeeds tremendously.  Filmed to look like NASA archival footage, and put together in a very similar fashion to The Blair Witch Project, Apollo 18 demonstrates how a movie can be constructed very simply, with a solid story, minimal effects, and good acting.  the film posits that after the final "official" Moon mission, the American Department of Defense sets up another mission.  Shrouded under the ever popular "national security' excuse, the three astronauts are unable to tell even their families that they are, indeed, going to the Moon.  Once there, the two who actually land on the Moon discover what the DoD had known all along, and I ain't telling what it is, see for yourself.  The way the movie is set up, using a mix of actual archival footage and combining it with the scenes that the filmmakers shot for this movie is what makes the story successful.  Using the inherent loneliness and barren landscape of the Moon turns it into its own character.  Apollo 18 comes off as a haunted house movie in a strong way.

Starring Warren Christie, Lloyd Owen and Ryan Robbins as the astronauts, they do a great job in the cramped sets that make up the lunar lander and command module.  This movie makes those particular ships seem much smaller and claustrophobic than they appeared in Apollo 13, which is quite a feat.  Just a great job by the actors to convey, not only the horror that they encounter, but the desolation of being in a situation where there is absolutely no chance of rescue.

A very tense and edge of your seat thriller, Apollo 18 was very effective in its purpose.  Every time the camera view changed, I was waiting to see something, ANYTHING.  The tension builds very methodically, but the last fifteen minutes were astounding.  My main point of contention with the film, as with any documentary style movie is this:  If this was a "lost" or "unofficial" mission, A) why was it documented? and B) How was the filmed footage recovered?  Minor quibbles, but I'm a curious guy.  8.25/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 243: "You don't need Carol Anne! I can lead you into the light."

There's honestly only so much I can say about really bad movies.  The higher the number after the title, the worse the movie generally is, and in the case of Poltergeist 3, it's triply true.  There are no insults I can possibly hurl that would not be a repeat of something said about any other atrocious movie, so I will abstain, and make this a short, sweet diatribe.  This was crap of the highest order.  There is nothing that can possibly be said to redeem any part of this movie.  I hated everything about it.  In order to keep Carol Ann away from the creepy Reverend Kane, Her parents send her away to live with her aunt and uncle in a Chicago highrise.  The plan fails, Kane gets her, ghosts are everywhere, and most shockingly, everyone involved has the nerve to be surprised.  UUGH.....

Tom Skerritt, Nancy Allen, Zelda Rubenstein, and a very young Lara Flynn Boyle star here, not that it makes the movie any better.  Heather O'Rourke returns, again, as Carol Ann, only her innocent charm from the first movie is long gone, and she is just awful.  Perhaps the most tragic thing about this movie was that O'Rourke died from a mysterious illness as principle photography was wrapping up; either that or she died of shame.

It's been a while since I've subjected myself to a truly horrible movie, so I guess I had this coming.   Poltergeist 3 is terrible from beginning to end and not worth even considering as an entertainment option.  Burn every copy you can find.  0/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 242: "To live would be an awfully big adventure."

I have never been a big follower of the stories of J.M. Barrie's creation: Peter Pan.  Call it the unwavering, closed minded adult in me, it never struck my fancy.  So, on a recommendation from a very good friend, I decided to give the 2003 live action version of Peter Pan a shot.  I'm surprised to say that this was probably the best of the three Pan movies I have seen.  Of course, one of them was just terrible (I'm looking at you Steven Spielberg) and the other was the animated Disney version, so my experience with the story is pretty lacking.  having said that, this one was pretty entertaining.  I always thought of Tinkerbell as just a benign entity, leading Peter on his adventures, but she can be, and is at times, a really heartless bitch.  Jealousy is never pretty, and in a fantasy setting, the bearer can be downright evil.  The story moves at a good clip, only slowing in one or two places to give a little exposition.  My main problem is with the abundance of CGI effects throughout.  I challenge anyone to find a "practical" effect anywhere.  It just looked too..."storybook" perfect for my taste, but the family will really like this.

Jason Issacs, fresh from his role as the deliciously evil Lucius Malfoy in the Potter movies, steals the movie as James Hook and Mr. Darling.  He squeezes every bit of over-the-top evil out of whatever gland he uses for acting here as Hook, and then turns around to deliver a touching role as Mr. Darling; a soft spoken, socially awkward, devoted family man.  It was, hands down, one of his best roles ever, period.  The children  (all of them) were great as well, although the actor playing Peter (Jeremy Sumpter) seemed to be diving too far into the deep end, and came off as fake.  His performance seemed more suited to the stage as opposed to the screen.

This was the best Peter Pan I have seen, but like I said before, I don't have a whole lot of experience with the story to begin with.  Fun, with just the right amount of peril to remain kid friendly, Peter Pan is an excellent choice for family movie night.  Just turn off the lights, turn up the sound system, pop some corn, sit back and lose yourself in the story.  8/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 241: "Fifty-five is fast enough to kill you, but slow enough to make you think you're safe."

Anyway....picked something goofy sounding and mindless for tonight, as I'm hitting another brick wall of apathy regarding this entire endeavor.  This Halloween, I decided to go with the cross country race movie The Gumball Rally.  Stupid to the nth degree, starring more classic, exotic cars than you con shake a stick at, and described with whatever cliches pop into my mind, The Gumball Rally was a brain-dead comedy about an illegal auto race from the right side of the United States map to the left, winner take all.  There's a lot of nice stunt work, fast driving, and goofy dialogue (best line in the movie: "What's behind me is not important.").  It's not a work of genius, but without this movie, there would have been no Smokey and the Bandit or Cannonball Run (not that that would have been a loss to American cinema, but there you have it).  It had a few funny moments, but I can't decide if this was a chase movie or a comedy, and that's what hurt it in my mind.

Starring Michael Sarrazin, Raul Julia, Gary Busey, Stephen Keats and Nicholas Pryor, Gumball was an ensemble of b-list talent, and it shows.  Only Busey and Julia went on to better things, and this is actually one of Raul Julia's funniest roles; and yes, I include Gomez Addams in that statement.

Not great, but a good time waster.  The car work is reason alone to see this, as the acting is mediocre at best.  So if you would like to see a long distance, hour and a half car chase of some of the best cars from the early to mid seventies, give The Gumball Rally a shot, if not, skip it and watch Smokey and the Bandit, which I had a much better time with.  4.5/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 240: "I think there could be something wrong with Esther."

Nothing says Halloween quite like a good murderous child thriller.  Seeing one of those vicious little buggers go up against the adult world, while taking a few of them out in the process is always a good time.  Of course, Hollywood always cops out in the end and lets the miniscule murderer off the hook and alive to kill another day, but that's a topic for another rant.  Orphan is another in the long line of such films, but done very well and with a few twists and turns for good measure.  A married couple are looking to adopt a third child for their family, they visit a local girls home and encounter Esther.  She's intelligent, artistic, and, seemingly, the perfect little girl.  They wind up adopting her, and shortly after her arrival, bad things start happening and they escalate quickly.  One of the things I never understood about these movies was how the adults either A) are absolute dunderheads and ignore what's going on right under their noses, or B) are absolute dunderheads and ignore what their own children are seeing go down.  While there are several continuity issues (count the bullets, just saying), Orphan is a really good Halloween movie, assuming you're into the whole creepy kid thing.

Peter Sarsgaard and Vera Farmiga star as the misguided parents.  They are by no means stupid, but they make some really bad calls in the movie.  The real scene stealers are the children.  Jimmy Bennett, Aryanna Engineer, and especially Isabelle Fuhrman are great.  Fuhrman, who plays Esther, was amazing.  I had no trouble believing she had a murderous streak in her, as she let loose her inner insanity to bring Esther to life.  hands down one of the best performances by a child actor I've seen.

A smart thriller that just builds and builds to a whirlwind climax.  Methodically paced and written with the idea that the audience has half a brain, Orphan is worth seeing.  It is disturbing in several places because the filmmakers pull no punches showing children in a whole lot of impending and violent danger, but it's nice to see a movie that doesn't pull any punches.  7.75/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 239: "There's only one man for this operation: Agent WD-40. Steele. Dick Steele."

Not a whole lot to say here.  Spy Hard is the token satiric stab at the action/spy genre.  Nothing surprising, funny or interesting here.  The lone high point was the homage to the Maurice Binder opening credit sequences from the James Bond movies, as directed and sung by "Weird" Al Yankovic.  Best part of the movie.  This genre was so played-out at this point, I have no idea how they kept getting made.

Leslie Nielsen, Nicolette Sheridan, Any Griffith, Charles Durning, Barry Bostwick, Robert Guillaume, "Hulk" Hogan, Dr. Joyce Brothers, Mr. T, and Marcia Gay Harden all appeared in this disaster, and should have been banned from making anything else ever again.

This movie just plain sucked, and has restored my faith that imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery, it's just lazy storytelling and a lack of any original ideas by a group of people who should have quit a long time ago.  I've seen better film on the top of a bowl of week old chocolate pudding.  Utter s**t.  0.5/10 for the credit song and sequence alone.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 238: "The only style of dancing that Uncle Mitch likes involves a big shiny pole and a broken woman with daddy issues."

As my wife so succinctly put it, "Oh great...another stupid 'switched bodies" movie.  Really?"  There are precious few times when my gut instinct is wrong, and this was one of them. The Change-Up is successful on a couple of levels: it was written by the guys who wrote The Hangover, one of my all-time favorite comedies, and had a genuinely funny, talented cast.  Two childhood buddies, one a workaholic lawyer with a great family and the other a misogynistic, narcissist who is stuck in high school.  One night while out drinking, they stop to relieve themselves in a fountain, stumble home, and wake up the next morning living each others' lives.  Mayhem follows, with each learning the obligatory life lessons regarding happiness in their own lives.  Along the way, though, there is a plethora of fart jokes, nudity, pubic hair styling and highly uncomfortable situations regarding employment.  I had a lot of fun watching The Change-Up, and that's something I haven't honestly had in a while: an unexpected good time watching a movie.

Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds are the principle characters: Dave Lockwood and Mitch Planko, respectively.  Reynolds already holds a top ten spot in my favorite comedic actors (he reminds me of a young Chevy Chase with his range of facial expressions, deadpan delivery, and impeccable comedic timig), but Jason Bateman has really come into his own as well.  Since seeing him in the TV show Arrested Development, I've warmed up to him in a big way.  Leslie Mann plays Dave's long suffering wife Jamie.  Between Dave's inattentiveness and Mitch's constant passes, she's in hard place, and pulls the performance off without a hitch.  I laughed myself on the floor at her bedroom scene.  Olivia Wilde is Dave's legal assistant, and Mitch's romantic interest, and she drops another solid performance alongside the two.

The Change-Up is, at once, disgusting, sexist, touching (yes), and ultimately funny as hell.  Say what you will about the cliche of 'switched body' stories, this one works.  Absolutely worth the time, but not at all for the younger members of the family, I'm pretty happy with tonight's choice, and I'm hoping for a stroke of inspiration to pop it in again.  Assuming I have the time.  I might just have to make some, though.  8.25/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 237: "A DOG? Really? A dog. Well, could be worse."

Normally, when an actor appears alongside an animal, their career is in a serious downward spin.  Fortunately for Chevy Chase, Oh! Heavenly Dog is a speed bump on his fast track to comedy success in the 80's.  The third of Joe Camps' movies starring his famous pooch, Benji, Oh! Heavenly Dog's story revolves around a private investigator who is hired to solve a mysterious case, is himself murdered, arrives at Heaven's gates, is informed that the has a borderline acceptance to Heaven, and is given the chance to solidify his place in the afterlife by going back to solve his own murder.  The catch is, he's a dog.  Makes perfect sense, right?  Anyway, this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, but it's actually pretty enjoyable.  It's not high art, but I've definitely had worse times in front of a screen.

Most of Chase's role is a turn in front of the voiceover microphone, but when he is actually on screen, it's classic Chevy.  The sly looks, the wise cracks, the sarcasm, it's all there.  Surprisingly, Camp managed to get some pretty hefty talent in this movie: Omar Sharif, Jane Seymour, and Richard Vernon all appear here.  I would just like to know whose decision it was to make all heavenly denizens British in the 70's and 80's, I don't get it.

A fun, nonsensical time waster, Oh! Heavenly Dog has a little something for just about every audience member.  While I really like Chevy Chase, kids always go nuts for Benji, there's some raunchy humor (not too offensive), and a lot of slapstick.  Nothing serious or highbrow, just a pretty good time.  6.75/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 236: "You're mine now and forever...and I'm so happy.

1980's Maniac is one of those seminal horror films that helped to define the genre.  This movie was one of the first to take a more "realistic" view of serial murder.  A seemingly normal, if only a bit quirky, photographer by day has a much darker and sinister side that comes out in his spare time.  He is a predator, through and through.  He has had a traumatic childhood, due to the abuse he suffered at the hands of his mother, and is now taking his revenge on random women that he encounters.  This film is an uncompromising and brutal look into the life of a serial killer, albeit a fictional one, but the similarities to real life killers like Bundy and Gacy are unmistakeable.  Horror films since have borrowed heavily from Maniac, most noticeably Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer.  both are shot in a documentary style, not suffering from the quick jump cuts and other editing tricks used today to artificially heighten tension when it's not in the story. 

Starring Joe Spinell, who also wrote the script, he brings a real creepiness to the part, as he seems so normal in his daily life, but so brutal in his hidden one.  This was a really uncomfortable movie to watch at times because of the great performance Spinell puts in.  Special effects legend Tom Savini also makes an on-screen appearance here.  Most exciting for me was the casting of Caroline Munro.  She was my first real crush as a kid, and I'll see anything she does.

This is not a gore fest from beginning to end.  The story has its ups and downs, but always returns to its core as a horror film.  The real horror here is that this isn't a faceless or sarcastic killer who is unbelievable as a person.  This is a guy who could be your neighbor.  Maniac is a really good movie, but you can tell that it was the beginning of the flood that was to come.  7/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 235: "Bad things happen... but you can still live."

The last thing I expected from a summer "blockbuster" movie was an abundance of quality.  As one of the main characters so bluntly puts it several times throughout the film,"production values."  Super 8 was a really enjoyable science fiction/action movie that had me enjoying a pretty good story while strolling down Nostalgia Alley checking out all the cool little details from my childhood placed around the sets.  The story revolves around a tight group of friends trying to finish a labor of love: a Super 8 zombie movie that they have been working on for, what we can only assume, about a year.  The group has recently added a female cast member, and are shooting "on location" at a small train station, when there is a monumental disaster and it's all caught on film.  As is the case with most movie disasters, the military is soon involved and all hell begins to break loose as it becomes obvious that there was something alive on the train that has escaped.  The gang begins to investigate what's happening and is soon in way over their heads.  Amazingly, the heart of this film is worn on its sleeve, and there is quite the emotional attachment to these characters as well, as one has to cope with an unthinkable loss throughout, but comes out that much stronger.  It was a pleasant surprise to see well developed characters in a genre that can be hopelessly embroiled in its effects shots instead.

Joel Courtney plays Joe Lamb, Ryan Griffiths is Charles, and Ryan Lee is Cary; the three main boys.  They have a really nice chemistry and are believable as the teens in a whole world of trouble.  Courtney, in particular, has a great presence for such a young actor.  Elle Fanning portrays Alice Dainard, Joe's romantic interest and resident damsel-in-distress.  She has a great scene towards the beginning of the movie, acting in the movie within a movie, and completely steals the scene.  Ron Eldard, Kyle Chandler, and Noah Emmerich play the detached adults trying to make things right, generally failing in the attempts.

I enjoyed this movie a whole lot, and director J.J. Abrams does a nice job keeping the peril turned up to eleven, although I did find his overuse of the "BOO!!" scare tactic a touch annoying.  One of my favorite things about Super 8 was finding all the classic toys and models that I, myself, had played with and built in my youth.  I never thought I'd see Classic Monsters of Hollywood magazine or a monster model kitagain, and it was really cool.  Like the movie.  8.5/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!!

Day 234: "You just got your ass handed to you by a goddamned retiree!"

Red was a surprisingly good ensemble action movie.  This is what The Expendables should have been.  Instead of trying to cram every possible action hero from the last 3 years into a movie, Red found five great actors, gave them great parts and a fun story, then set them loose.  A group of retired government assassins are being hunted, one by one, and one gets wind of the plot by escaping his own assassination.  He then recruits three of his, I guess they would be friends, but the more correct word is colleagues, to reverse the hunt and find out why they are all suddenly the targets of the government that had once employed them. Unfortunately, the leader of this counter-assassination group has taken his retirement counselor along for the ride, and she is just severely lost in all of the goings-on.  It sounds a lot more confusing than it is, and it's a blast to watch.  This is another movie that is based on a somewhat obscure graphic novel series, and they succeed in a most explosive way.  The action is highly unlikely, but damn if its not a whole lot of fun.

Bruce Willis stars as Frank Moses, the leader of this aging group of killers, and Mary-Louise Parker is the counselor/love interest, Sarah Ross.  Willis plays the role a bit stiffly, but Parker's performance as the in-over-her-head girlfriend is really funny.  Morgan Freeman, Dame Helen Mirren, and John Malkovich are the remainder of the motley assassins group.  Malkovich absolutely steals the show as the drugged out and completely paranoid Marvin Boggs.  Karl Urban, Rebecca Pidgeon, Jomes Remar and Ernest Borgnine round out the rest of the major roles.

This was a whole lot better than I was expecting, and it takes a lot to surprise me these days.  If you're in the mood for an action movie with a bit of a brain and a whole lot of kaboom, give Red as spin in your DVD player.  You wont regret it.  8.25/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 233: "Onward and upward... Dad."

Astro Boy.  Boring, dull and only 93 minutes long.  In an attempt to resurrect the Japanese animated TV show from the 50's, Hollywood falls flat...again.  The story of a technically brilliant, but emotionally crippled scientist, whose son dies in a terrible accident in his lab.  The scientist, in his grief, builds a robot avatar of his son, and through the magic of....well, they call it science, but it's magic, the scientist places his son's memories and personality into the robot.  After a short period, and realizing what he has done, the scientist discards the perfect recreation of his recently dead son, who then goes and discovers his place in the world on his own.  At the mental age of 10...alone...after having his father completely REJECTING AND ABANDONING HIM TO HIS FACE.  *cough*bulls**t*cough*.  Making matters worse, this robot child can fly andis armed to the teeth.  What a pile of crap.

Nicolas Cage plays the horrifically callous Dr. Tenma, Freddie Highmore is his son/creation Toby, Bill Nighy is fellow scientist Dr. Elefun, and Donald Sutherland plays President Stone.  Stone, by the way, is the one man whose actions were the direct cause of Toby's initial death.  Nathan Lane, Samuel L. Jackson, Kristen Bell, Matt Lucas and Alan Tudyk also lend their vocal talents as well.

This is just a bad reboot of a pretty good cartoon.  The emotional nightmare that this movie puts its children through is unbelievable, and I was simply not a fan.  Skip it and watch a Pixar movie to see how these are supposed to be done.  2.5/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 232: "If I sleep, I dream. If I dream, I die."

The recent rebooting (for lack of a better term) of cherished horror franchises from my youth have, so far, been pretty good, in my humble opinion.  Texas Chainsaw Massacre was pretty cool, and I loved the Friday the 13th re-imagining (of course I am a HUGE Jason fan, and this was initially a tough pill to swallow).  The 2010 version of A Nightmare On Elm Street, is another matter entirely.  The story remains, essentially, the same as the original, but the emphasis here is much more on Freddy than the teenagers attempting to decipher what's happening to them.  There is some research done by the doomed teens, but the majority of their tragic discoveries is either sheer luck, or is revealed to them in their dreams.  As far as the sleep deprivation aspects of the movie, they appear to be surly and irritated rather than exhausted.  This is not to say the film is a total loss, as many of the iconic scenes and lines are delivered here, but if one is going to create a "new vision" of a franchise and villain, come up with fresh, new ideas.  Simply re-shooting the same scene with better effects and production values smacks of laziness, at the least, or plagiarism, to be blunt.  As the original series got completely campy by the end, I did appreciate the attempt to make Freddy scary again.  The snarky one-liners are very few and far between, and the makeup is creepier.

The teen stars in this are nothing to write about, so I won't.  The real star here is Jackie Earle Haley as Freddy.  Fresh off of his turn as Rorschach in Watchmen, Haley gives Freddy new life with his superbly creepy voice.  He also injects some new "twitches" to Freddy's persona, putting a bit of excited, nervous energy into the hunt.  I hope if there is a sequel to this, that Haley continues to make Freddy a monster and not a laughing stock.

I was ultimately disappointed with A Nightmare On Elm Street, but the new Freddy is something to behold.  It is easily the weakest of the re-launches, in terms of story and delivery, but one of the best in delivering a classic splatter titan in a new way.  The one highlight for me was the inclusion of an origin story.  I always wanted to see the "actual" beginning to these killers' stories, be they Jason, Freddy, Pinhead, or even Leatherface.  It was nice to finally see one, albeit in a deeply flawed film.  6/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 231: "I don't get it. Is this a magic show?"

Just when you thought the modern comedy could not get any raunchier, along comes The Hangover, Part 2.  The original remains one of my top five comedies ever, and while Part 2 is a worthy sequel and funny as hell, it doesn't come near the brilliance of the first.  The filmmakers decided to go completely over the top here, having the Wolfpack run loose in Bangkok, which itself trumps Vegas as a city where everything can go wrong.  This time Stu is the one getting married, and while attempting to keep things under control and avoid a repeat of the Vegas misadventure, he completely fails.  His wedding is to be in Thailand, as that is his bride-to-be's native land.  Stu grudgingly invites his buddies, and during a toast on the beach, history repeats itself.  Only worse this time. The story delivers on the raunch and sleaziness of the first movie, but this time the whole debacle has a southeastern Asian flair to the proceedings.  Booze, cocaine, tattoos, riots, a missing finger, and a drug dealing monkey are now the major players in this, as well as some other surprises I wont divulge here.  There were more of the same types of humor from The Hangover here, just on a much larger, much more shocking scale.

The original Wolfpack returns: Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifinakis, Ed Helms, and Justin Bartha, as well as Ken Jeong as Chow (in a much expanded role).  Mason Lee is the newest member of the gang, playing Stu's new brother-in-law.  Jeffrey Tambor and Mike Tyson also make return appearances.  The cast has such a great chemistry, that it's tough for these guys to not be funny.

So The Hangover Part 2 is more of the same, but on a bigger, badder scale.  The first one remains a classic, but this is definitely a worthy see, especially if you enjoyed the first film.  The R rating is, again, well deserved, as there is cursing, drinking, drug use, and nudity aplenty.  The movie pulls no punches and does not apologize, EVER, for its content.  I really liked this one and will add it to the collection.  8.5/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 230: "It is the nature of man to confuse genius with insanity."

Ah, action movies from the 90's: I can't remember a time that had more action and less plot.  Passenger 57 is one of the worst offenders of the time.  Further proving what a seminal action movie Die Hard was, Passenger 57 steals its premise and puts it on an airliner (of course, every action movie for 10 years after Die Hard ripped it off mercilessly).  Deeply flawed, trained expert in counter-terrorism good guy John Cutter is put on a flight to Los Angeles after accepting a new security job with the airline.  Coincidentally, the FBI is transporting one of the most dangerous terrorists in the world on the same flight.  The terrorist's followers had apparently planned for this contingency, all of them having jobs with the airline and all of them assigned to the same flight (funny how that worked out, huh?).  They liberate their high-minded leader, take over the plane, and have no clue what to do then.  They did not count on Cutter hiding in the bathroom (sound familiar yet?) and wreaking havoc inside their newly captured flying aluminum tube.  All hell breaks loose, bullets and one-liners fly, somehow everyone winds up at a carnival in Missouri, and in the end the good guys win.  Yawn.

Wesley Snipes shows off his martial arts prowess as Cutter, Bruce Payne smoulders and is arrogant as Charles "Rane of Terror" Rane, Tom Sizemore is Cutter's buddy and employer Sly Delvecchio, Alex Datcher screams herself through the story as flight attendant Marti Slayton, and a really young Elizabeth Hurley is her female baddie counterpart Sabrina Richie.  All of them have just the stupidest, most "actiony" names, don't they?

Anyway, Passenger 57 is awful.  It's another example of an action movie where the villain is ten times as interesting as the hero, and gets off light by being killed.  Who in Hollywood decided that killing the bad guy was the best way to show his comeuppance?  Personally, I think showing him or her going to trial with an incompetent public defender then being sentenced to an overcrowded, maximum security, federal prison with a 400 pound gangbanger named "Twinkle" as a roommate for the rest of his/her life gets the point across much better.  Oh yeah, and as they fade out on the bad guy behind bars, there's a close up of "Twinkle" with the song Hungry Eyes playing in the background.  Yeah, much more satisfying.  I digress, back to the topic at hand.  4/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 229: "You've been roaming the wastelands, fighting half-men, no doubt."

It's difficult for me to believe what an impact the Mad Max series of movies had.  Almost every dystopian future in the 80's was either a derivative of Blade Runner or, more often than not, Mad Max.  Take today's movie for example, Steel Dawn.  Combine a whole lot of The Road Warrior, alter the gas shortage to a water shortage, add the awfully staged swordfights of Conan the Destroyer, mix in a pinch of Shane (not enough to make this palatable), and you have Steel Dawn.  A lone swordsman travels the wasteland, seeing his teacher killed (for no apparent reason) he goes to the "town" where said teacher was being employed as a peacekeeper.  Through the chain of events, Nomad (yep, that's our hero's name) attracts violence on a colossal scale, makes friends with Hulk Hogan (not really, but damn, he's a close match), and eventually wipes out the band of marauders that have taken over the town, simultaneously avenging his teacher.  This is a really bad, cheesy movie that takes itself way too seriously.  Having been made in the 80's, the hairstyles are quite a sight to behold, even if they are no more than bad wigs.

Patrick Swayze plays Nomad in such a wooden stiff fashion, that you'd swear he was on some heavy sedation.  I'm not a Swayze fan, but he's done much better than this (Red Dawn being a good example of that).  Brion James, who is one of my favorite actors of the time, is the Hogan look-alike, Tark.  The only other actors I recognized here were Anthony Zerbe, as evil as ever playing the aptly named Damnil, and a really young Arnold Vosloo as a disposable thug.

The sword work, both fighting and hardware are abysmal, the acting terrible, and the story; utter crap.  A clue as to how bad this was going to be was the opening scene: Swayze meditating STANDING ON HIS HEAD IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DESERT.  Yep, that kind of bad.  It was like watching a train wreck, I just couldn't pull my eyes away long enough to change the channel.  Even the score sounds exactly like Mad Max, only worse.  Just like the movie.  3.5/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 228: "Tow Mater, average intelligence."

I'd read quite a bit about Cars 2, decrying it as "soulless" and "overly violent," but I have to say, I rather liked it.  As for the "soulless" accusation, I disagree.  This was more of an action movie, and action movies have more throwaway characters and disposable story than almost any other genre.  Cars 2 was still about the characters and their relationships with each other.  As for "overly violent," those critics seemed to miss the shotgun wielding Granny in Ratatouille, or the last half of The Incredibles.  The violence in this was even less than the peril experienced by the toys in Toy Story 3.  Unfortunately for Pixar, the standard of excellence for their movies has been set so high that any glimmer of disappointment is viewed as failure.  The story here involves Lightning McQueen being challenged by an F1 opponent, Francesco Bernoulli, Mater discovering that he is not just a bumbling idiot, and a new set of spy cars that are trying to stop a world wide fuel conspiracy that threatens everyone.  I will admit, Cars 2 is not the best story to come out of Pixar, but it is still a lot of fun.

Owen Wilson and Larry the Cable Guy return as Lightning and Mater, respectively.  Actually, most of the cast returns to their previous roles, with the exception being the recently deceased George Carlin.  New to the franchise are Michael Caine as British Supercar spy Finn McMissile, Emily Mortimer as Holley Shiftwell, Eddie Izzard as Sir Miles Axelrod, and John Turturro as Francesco Bernoulli.  Joe Mantegna, Bruce Campbell, Thomas Kretschmann, Jason Issacs, and Vanessa Redgrave also lend their voices to the film.

I really enjoyed this, and, while it's not as good as the original, it still holds its own as a fun family movie.  See it for yourself and make up your own mind regarding "soul" and "violence."  If you are a real life car fan, see how many actual cars you can spot in this, I counted about 30 or so.  7.5/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Review scores for months #6 & #7

Oops.  It's been a while since I did a compilation list, so here are the scores for the last 2 months.   The average score was 6.97, so I can't really complain about how bad everything was.  You'll see two top picks and two stinkers here, I figured I had two months of scores, so I made my picks accordingly.

Hobo With A Shotgun-8.75
The Smurfs-2.5
Marathon Man-8.5
Everest-8
Black Sunday-6.75
Public Enemies-7.5
I Love You Phillip Morris-7.25
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen-1.75
Fast Five-6.75
Rio-5.25
Ghost In the Shell-8.25
Priest-7.5
The Blood of Heroes-7.5
Network-10 **PICK OF THE MONTH**
Eight Men Out-8.5
Wild Hogs-5.25
Step Brothers-8
Lost In Translation-8
X-Men: First Class-9
Hanna-9.25
Couples Retreat-1.5
Friends With Benefits-7
Bridesmaids-7.75
Auto Focus-6.75
Hostel II-6.5
The Muppets Take Manhattan-8
Futureworld-7.5
The Conversation-6
Lord of the Flies (1992)-7.25
All the President's Men-10 **PICK OF THE MONTH**
Murder In the First-8.25
The Omega Man-7.5
Timerider: The Adventures of Lyle Swann-3
Dahmer-7
Zookeeper-.5 **STINKER OF THE MONTH**
The 300 Spartans-7.75
Heaven Help Us-7.75
Devil-9.25
Drive-9
Transformers: Dark of the Moon-4.75
Red State-7.25
Kull the Conqueror-1 **STINKER OF THE MONTH**
Airport '77-7.5
Can't Hardly Wait-5.5
Death Wish-8.25
Food, Inc.-9
Stand and Deliver-9
Airport-6
Twice Upon A Time-9.25
The Big Bus-8.5
Warlock: The Armageddon-5.5
Dead Snow-9
Series 7-8.75
Strangeland-7.5
Green Lantern-8.75
Tooth Fairy-1
Le Ballon Rouge (The Red Balloon)-9.5
Inside Deep Throat-8.5

All scores are, of course, out of 10.  Have to say I'm pretty glad this is going to be wrapping up soon....it's seriously cutting into my video game sessions, and that stack of unplayed goodness is piling up.  That said: 227 days in the books and only 139 to go (thank you Mr. Leap Year....you bastard).

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 227: "Deep Throat forged the sexual revolution, good or bad."

Be warned: today's movie is a documentary about the making of and cultural impact of one of the single most controversial films ever made.  Inside Deep Throat is an uncompromising examination of the 1972 film Deep Throat.  It takes a hard look at the film's production, but more importantly, it looks at the impact its production and release had on the United States.  Made for 25 thousand dollars in 1972, it has since grossed over 600 million dollars in the decades since, making it the single most profitable movie in history (sorry, Blair Witch Project).  Now I am not saying that Deep Throat was a good movie (it's really bad actually), but Inside is a fascinating look at its legacy.  The original was doing alright at the box office until a New York Times article entitled "Porn Chic" was published and put the movie into a "must see" status for readers, of which there were millions.  The U.S. government, at the time, was doing a scientific study on whether or not pornography was actually a physical health concern.  The confluence of the movie and the report's release created a whirlwind of controversy, and all hell broke loose.  The report was eventually decried as a failure, and in the wake of its failure, another report was commissioned on the mental and social ills of porn.  This report was almost a killing blow.  One of the actors in the film was actually put on trial for, get this, conspiracy.  He almost went to jail for 5 years for simply being an actor in Deep Throat.  Not a writer, not a producer, not the director, and not a distributor.  An actor.  That's like putting the store that sold the paint an artist used in a painting now considered obscene on trial for conspiracy.

I was very surprised when I watched this and discovered the consequences that everyone involved in the creation of this movie had to endure.  Deep Throat was made almost as a lark.  Everyone involved just thought they were making a funny little dirty movie.  No one had any idea that it was going to explode into a cultural game-changer.  Like I stated in the beginning of this: BE WARNED.  Inside Deep Throat is very graphic in what it shows from the original film.  If porno puts you off, this is not the movie for you, but, if you want to see how an insignificant 1972 "blue" movie changed the entertainment industry, see it.  8.5/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 226: "Could you hold my balloon while I'm in school?"

When I was in film school MANY years ago, my professors told me about a small French film by the name of Le Ballon Rouge (The Red Balloon).  Being a cocky and somewhat confrontational student, I ignored their advice about seeing this movie and blew it off as yet another pretentious, high-minded French art film.  Being now older and a bit wiser, I decided to finally see Le Ballon Rouge.  Allow me to be the first to admit that I was being an idiot.  For a movie only lasting thirty four minutes, it's an extremely powerful story.  This actually won the Best Screenwriting, Original Screenplay Oscar in 1957, IN THE MAIN CATEGORY.  Not for being a short and not for being foreign, it won for simply being the best screenplay of that year.  Ironically, this Oscar winning screenplay also has abut three lines of dialogue throughout the entire piece.  A young Parisian schoolboy finds an enormous red balloon, and takes it with him.  Apparently, this balloon has a mind of its own and the boy and balloon strike up a very strong, yet completely unspoken friendship.  For an inanimate object, the director gets a lot of great acting out of the balloon.  From its fanciful flights creating mischief with adults, to the loyalty it demonstrates to the boy, this simple balloon is a marvelous character. 

This is a gem of a movie, and is the perfect argument that film is a valid art form.  Extremely charming and very powerful, Le Ballon Rouge is a magnificent story of the magic and purity of friendship.  Two friends looking out for and caring for each other in a special tale.  The entire family should see this one, as the youngsters will come away with one interpretation of the story, and the adults another, but both will find this a great movie all around.  See this movie, it is absolutely brilliant.  9.5/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 225: "You can't handle the Tooth! And that's the Tooth, the whole Tooth and nothing but the Tooth! I pledge allegiance to the Tooth."

I really wish for several realities to hit the people with power in the movie world.  1) Professional wrestlers are not a viable acting work force, 2) Adults have to sit through the movies that are aimed at the "family", and 3) PROFESSIONAL WRESTLERS ARE NOT A VIABLE ACTING WORK FORCE.  For the love of all that is good and holy in this world, stop making tripe like Tooth Fairy.  Yes, I understand that the juxtaposition of a huge, rough and tumble athlete forced into a humiliating, emasculating, and just plain ridiculous situation can be humorous.  These situations are very few and far between, and RARELY are they actually funny for more than several seconds, let alone an entire hour and forty minutes.  A bruising minor league hockey player, through his own misfortune is "sentenced" to a week of actual Tooth Fairy duty.  I lost interest right there.  Don't even get me started on the hockey side of this wreck.

Dwayne Johnson plays the unfortunate "hockey player," Derek Thompson.  Johnson has shown glimmers of acting talent in the past, but not here.  How the producers blackmailed Billy Crystal, Julie Andrews (JULIE ANDREWS, for God's sake!!!!!!!!), Seth Macfarlane, Stephen Merchant, and Ashley Judd into this is beyond any comprehension I may possess.

How this travesty ever got green-lit for production is one of those mysteries that may never be solved.  I actually think that Jimmy Hoffa will be found before that question is answered.  This movie sucked badly and i wouldn't want you to waste even one minute contemplating the decision to see it.  Consider this your intervention.  STOP NOW AND PICK ANOTHER MOVIE!!  1/10, but just based on the star power.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 224: "I pledge allegiance to a lantern, given to me by a dying purple alien."

Having never really read any of the Green Lantern comic books, I can't say that I'm a fan.  After seeing the movie Green Lantern however, I may start reading them.  This was a really good comic/science fiction movie.  A summer, effects-laden, funny, action-packed adventure, Green Lantern does a whole lot right.  It briefly covers the Lanterns' origins in the beginning of the film, and shows the audience a lot of Lantern history and backstory without actually bogging down the movie.  The alien Lanterns were a diverse group, but the ones that had actual parts and lines involving the story were really good.  I do know that Sinestro was a Lantern, but his eventual betrayal isn't covered here, instead we get a short look at him as a Lantern, and how the circumstances surrounding his eventual turn come to be.  The main villain here is Parallax, one of the Guardians who created the Lanterns, but instead of being content with the force of Will being the dominant power source of the Lanterns, he experimented with the idea that Fear was a more powerful source, and it consumed him.  He escapes from his prison, mortally injures the Lantern responsible for his imprisonment, and continues his swath of destruction through the universe.  the alien lands on Earth, and he charges Hal Jordan with the responsibility of assuming his role as a Lantern.  Parallax discovers this and bee-lines for Earth.  Lots of fighting and explosions ensue, and a great time is had by all.

Ryan Reynolds plays Hal Jordan, a man who is a test pilot, but still lives in contant fear of his own mortality.  The role is a bit of a departure for Reynolds, but his trademark snarky wit remains intact and abundantly shown.  Blake Lively is his love interest, almost a throwaway role, honestly.  Peter Sarsgaard is Dr. Hector Hammond, the nerdy, insecure yin to Reynolds' cocky, overconfident yang, and he plays a great bad guy.  Tim Robbins, Temuera Morrison, Michael Clarke Duncan, Geoffrey Rush and Angela Bassett also appear in significant roles.

I had a lot of fun seeing Green Lantern, and fear not, I can all but guarantee that there will be a sequel or two here.  My only hope is that they get this cast back for them.  This was just released on home video, and is worth seeing in high definition if you have the means.  Skip the 3D though.  8.75/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 223: "We must all go through a rite of passage, and it must be physical, it must be painful, and it must leave a mark."

I've been a Twisted Sister fan since I was in grade school.  On their most popular album, Stay Hungry, There was a song called  Horror-Teria A) Captain Howdy B) Street Justice.  This was a song about a normal suburban neighborhood that played host to a serial killer who preyed upon children who called himself Captain Howdy.  He was eventually caught and tried, only to be released on a technicality by an incompetent judge.  At this point, the parents of the victims decided that enough was enough and took matters into their own hands.  Today's movie, Strangeland was written by the songwriter of Horror-teria, Dee Snider, and is the visual tale of Captain Howdy's misdeeds.  It follows the basic story of the song, but with some minor adjustments for plots' sake.  The song was written in the early 80's, and , in the film, Captain Howdy's hunting ground is the internet, so that adjustment had to be made, as well as making him stalk teenagers instead of young children.  I found this movie to be mighty uncomfortable to watch at times, as Howdy goes from hunter to prey to hunter, and the fact that his victims (the ones who survive) seem to come back for more (Stockholm Syndrome, maybe?).  It was effective as a horror movie, and it made several nods to other films from the time (Nightmare on Elm Street, anyone?).

Dee Snider plays Captain Howdy, or Carleton Hendricks as his birth certificate says.  He seems to be the only guy who could have played him, because Snider knows this creature better than anyone else could.  The only time I had an issue, was when Snider had to portray Hendricks as victim, I just didn't believe him.  Linda Cardellini is his main victim, Genevieve Gage.  She was really good and I had no trouble seeing her as completely helpless in those horrific circumstances.  Elizabeth Pena, Tucker Smallwood, a really young Amy Smart, and horror staple Robert Englund also make appearances as well.

A really dark story, despicable characters, and occasional humor all mix together her to make a pretty satisfying horror movie.  Strangeland does suffer from the usual cliches and awful one-liners, but if you're in the mood to creeped out on a pretty big scale (I'm talking uncomfortable, squirming creeped-out not "eew, gross" creeped-out)catch it on Netflix.  It is October, and it's time for that sort of thing.  7.5/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 222: "Due to the graphic nature of the following program, viewer discretion is advised."

What began in the movie Network comes to a violent and ironic head in Series 7.  This movie follows six strangers who have been picked at random by, what appears to be, a government lottery to hunt and kill each other for the entertainment of the nation.  To its core, this is the inevitable outcome of all of those heinous reality competition shows.  This is Survivor hopped up on methamphetamine.  The film has a very documentary, Blair Witch Project feel to it, minus the shaky camera.  It's presented like a television show would be, minus the smarmy twenty-something host pushing all of the contenders' emotional buttons.  The contestants themselves consist of a nurse in her late fifties, an unwed, eight and a half month pregnant woman (who is the reigning champ), an unemployed husband and father of three, an eighteen year old student, a seventy two year old trailer park recluse, and a thirty three year old testicular cancer patient who doesn't really care.  All of this comes together in a violent, kinetic movie that is a very unique experience.  Unbelievably, a couple of these people actually have a history, which adds to the insanity of the situation.

I am really starting to enjoy watching movies that have no established stars in them.  It's a treat to see new and upcoming actors putting their talents out there with such success.  The only actor I recognized was Brooke Smith, Buffalo Bill's captive/victim from Silence of the Lambs, but the rest of the cast was wonderful.

This movie is about six parts drama and four parts satire.  Christopher Guest could have made this movie as a pure comedy, but it would have been a dismal failure.  Series 7 is one of those rare movies that succeeds by taking itself a bit too seriously.  This is a great movie that delivers a similarly prophetic message to Network.  It's just a lot more blatant and in-your-face with its statement.  Then it hits you in the face with a sledgehammer.  Give it a try if you want something different.  8.75/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 221: "We should have gone to the beach like I told you!"

When I found out that Dead Snow was actually theatrically released, I was ecstatic.  Two great monsters that have not been paired successfully in anything but video games finally get the chance to shine.  Nazis.  Zombies.  Together at last!!  In a good movie, too!!  It's a little Evil Dead, a little Friday the 13th, and a LOT of George Romero influence.  A group of medical students travel to a remote mountain for a little R & R for their Spring Break.  They hole up in a small cabin, far from any help..I mean...civilization, and proceed to ignore the advice/warning of a local denizen, who, it seems made the same mistake.  Soon they are terrorized and overrun with a horde of the National Socialist undead.  It has been far too long since I have seen a fresh, new take on the zombie genre.  Dead Snow was made in Norway, so be prepared for subtitles, but true horror is a universal language that, when spoke properly, translates to any fan.  The scares and gore are fantastic and, apart from a few of the usual horror movie cliches, had me completely roped into the movie.  It's funny, the director made the group medical students, so there is a bit of power in their brain pans, but they still made colossally bad decisions.

There are no stars that any American audience would recognize, but the cast here does a really good job.  The script has a bunch of nods to other movies, especially seeing that one at least one of the group is a film fan.

I did think there were going to be more laughs here, but I am pleased to say that this was a pure horror film, through and through.  I'm actually thinking of adding this to the library, I liked it that much.  I'd never seen a first person's perspective of a disemboweling before.  My only hope is that this doesn't go the way of the endless sequels.  This was too good to be diluted by offshoots.  If you are a zombie fan, a horror fan, or just like to play the Nazi Zombies mode in Call of Duty, see this movie.  It's so much fun.  9/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 220: "Do not give him the stone. He is evil!"

I really liked the first Warlock.  Yeah, it was pure cheese, but there's just something about a warlock hunter and his prey that just does it for me.  On the other hand, Warlock: The Armageddon is just cheese gone bad in a big, big way.  There's not a lot to say about this one.  The Warlock from the first film returns, attempting to gather stones to harken the return of Satan, while a clan of druids attempts to stop him.  That's the story.  All of it.  The blood and gore flow freely, as it should in most halfway decent horror movies, but the script is just terrible.  To be perfectly honest, with a rewrite or two, this could have topped the first movie.  It's far from the pinnacle of the horror mountain, but I have seen a WHOLE lot worse.  On a related note, avoid the movie Jack-O.  Without a doubt the worst horror movie ever.  Like Captain America (1993) levels of awful.

Julian Sands returns as the Warlock, again doing a wonderful, soft-spoken, smarmy job.  This guy really should have seen more work, he was a blast to watch.Joanna Pacula and Zach Galligan make appearances here, but that's about it when it comes to star power.  Ultimately a forgettable cast, with the exception of Sands.

If you're in the mood for a goofy, cheesy, gory thriller, check out the original Warlock and let The Armageddon fall by the wayside.  Seriously, if this is what Armageddon looks like, I think everyone should be OK.  5.5/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 219: "The aerodynamics work! He's breaking wind at 90!"

In keeping with both my recent bout with disaster movies and my new found love for all things 70's, I decided to watch the enormously funny and stupid The Big Bus.  A hysterical parody of the disaster genre that was in full swing, The Big Bus does nearly everything right in mocking the genre.  It's got a galaxy of stars, an enormous potential for said disaster, a plot so thin you could walk through it, and it actually pre-dates what most people believe to be the granddaddy of the parody films, Airplane! by a full 4 years.  Essentially, a nuclear powered, high luxury super bus is set to make its inaugural cross-country trip.  On board are the usual passengers: celebrities, the politically powerful, regular joes, and of course, a driver with severe issues.  What could possibly go wrong?  The bus itself (Cyclops) is actually the main attraction, as I have seen nothing like it before.  I wonder if it still exists in a prop museum or storage warehouse somewhere?  I actually enjoyed this movie more than Airplane!, and I love that movie.  The sheer number of misfortunes, accidents and sabotage attempts (by the oil companies, funny enough) make the fact that this bus even left the garage a miracle.

Starring, in no particular order: John Beck, Lynn Redgrave, Joe Bologna, Stockard Channing, Ruth Gordon, Richard Mulligan, Sally Kellerman, Larry Hagman, Harold Gould, Jose Ferrer, and Ned Beatty, this was a comedic cast that couldn't fail.  Every one of them had great lines, and none seemed to be fighting for screen time.

I mean it, this is one of the stupidest movies I have seen, but it was so damn funny.  When the bus is rolling out of its garage, it takes an entire minute to emerge.  The absolute irony of this movie is that it's the occurrences in the story that are the disasters, not the movie itself.  I'm going to need to find a copy of this on DVD to buy, as it's going right next to Airplane! in the library.  8.5/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 218: "Do I get the job, or should we move right onto the shark infested waters test?"

At one time, George Lucas really was a talented storyteller and an amazing judge of quality in others' projects.  Released in 1983, Twice Upon A Time was one of the films that he produced during his most prolific period.  This uniquely animated movie always piqued my curiosity, but always found something else to watch or couldn't find a copy to see.  FINALLY, I got to see this wonderful movie.  Twice Upon A Time is the story of the dreamworld where, there is an ongoing battle for airtime in peoples' sleep: the nightmares and the good reams.  The leader of the nightmare "corporation," Synonamess Botch (greatest villain name EVER) tricks two employees of the dream group (they work in the Garbagerie: the disposal room of rejected dreams) into sabotaging the Cosmic Clock.  This is the device that, once disabled, will now allow him to broadcast nightmares continually.  This is not only a beautiful movie to watch, but it is one of the most cleverly written as well.  I was laughing out loud in a lot of places, and laughing hard.  The comedic timing is brilliant, and the script is smart and moves along at an almost machine gun pace.

The cast in this consists of relative unknowns, the lone exception being Lorenzo Music (the voice of Garfield the Cat on his own show).  All of the characters are played totally over the top, from the sinister Synonamess Botch, to the hero-in-training Rod Rescueman, to Ralph, the all-purpose animal.  Even Mumford, the lone mute character, is played like Chaplin's Little Tramp.

This movie is an absolute blast to watch.  It's a bit short, but that just means you can watch it again immediately, because there will be something you missed the first time through.  I loved this and really hope that it gets the Blu-ray release that it deserves.  This is a brilliant movie that has been overlooked for decades, don't make the same mistake I did: see it.  9.25/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 217: "Remind me to send a thank you note to Mr. Boeing."

After seeing Airport '77 a few days ago, I decided to check out "film zero" for disaster movies.  1970's Airport had a lot of hype to live up to in my estimation: it is the first of the big budget, ensemble disaster films that were all the rage in the early to mid-seventies.  Needless to say, it did not live up to the billing I set for it.  It played out much like a sixties melodrama for the majority of the picture, with the "disaster" coming in the last third of the story.  I can see why the makers of the sequels felt the need to tell their stories as actual airborne disasters.  Airport concentrates on the stories of all the characters, and actually has a decent plot for each.  There's the elderly stowaway, looking for excitement, the airport administrator married to his job then his wife, the married pilot who has gotten one of his stewardesses "in trouble", and the poor schlub at the end of his rope, desperately attempting insurance fraud to help his family out; each story plays out in its entirety.

The huge ensemble consists of all the stars of the day, and some from earlier: Burt Lancaster, Helen Hayes, Barbara Hale, Van Helfin, George Kennedy, Dean Martin, Jaqueline Bisset...the list is almost endless.  Their parts actually had some meat to them, and this wasn't the usual parade of stars delivering lines for screen time.  It was pretty impressive that way.

As a whole, I wasn't really impressed with Airport as a crisis movie, but I do appreciate what was born from its production.  Without it, we wouldn't have had such films as Independence Day, Con Air, 2012, Earthquake......oh wait on second thought, allow me to place the blame for these films directly at the feet of Airport.  6/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 216: "You are the true dreamers, and dreams accomplish wonderful things."

I am normally not a big fan of the "new teacher/principal comes to an urban warzone school and inspires dramatic change" movies.  They usually just come off as sappy and overly melodramatic to me.  Stand and Deliver is different.  New teacher Jaime Escalante comes into Garfield High, an East LA high school with the usual bad reputation and overwhelmingly bad odds for the students who do care, and sees potential.  This was a much more powerful film than others of its type, because this was a much more personal, compartmentalized story.  Escalante wasn't trying to change the entire school, just "his kids."  He saw that these kids were never given anything, let alone a break, and did something extraordinary for them: he pushed them to succeed.  He handed them nothing, worked them hard, and the class flourished.  The class went from perpetual dropouts to succeeding at the highest level of math available to them: Advanced Placement Calculus.  This movie struck me more than the others because it was on a more personal level.  It showed what one teacher can accomplish with one class of motivated students, no matter their situations.

Edward James Olmos stars as Jaime Escalante.  His portrayal is extremely powerful and subtle at the same time.  You watch him and think that he actually cares about those students; wait, the actors playing the students.  Lou Diamond Phillips plays at-risk gang banger Angel Guzman.  He also delivers a standout performance as an underachieving student torn between his life as a student and the one as a thug.  All of the performances in this are wonderful, and we see what circumstances these kids faced in their lives that affected their commitment to school.

Stand and Deliver does just that.  Delivering an inspiring story with a great script and even better acting, this is one of the best non-sports, underdog movies I've seen.  Watch it and be inspired yourself.  9/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 215: "Even if you don't eat at a fast food restaurant, you're now eating food that's produced by this system."

Wow.  I thought that Inside Job was a disturbing and enraging documentary.  After I saw that I was mad for days.  Now, having watched Food, Inc. today, Inside Job now has a terrifying counterpart.  Food, Inc. is a damning and scary look at how the food on our plates has become big business, and how those businesses don't care one bit about nutrition or how unhealthy that product in the supermarkets is.  One expert in the film noted that food production ahs changed more in the last fifty years than in the previous ten thousand.  YEARS.  The overindustrialization (is that a word?  It should be.) of the growth, raising, and production of the food we eat is absolutely obscene.  I honestly had no idea of the spectrum of this problem.  The use of enzymes, drugs, steroids, manipulation, and almost anything else you can think of has been incorporated into food production.  Meat, through the use of steroids and growth hormones, is now grown and put to market in weeks now, not months.  Do you have any idea how many products, not just food either, are derived from corn?  Just corn.  Thousands.  I had no idea, at all, what was going on.  These companies are fighting to keep as much information about their products (I have a hard time thinking of it as food right now) AWAY from the public.  What they are producing is leading to the decline in the health of the country.  Sound familiar, big tobacco? 

The best thing about this movie, is it's not just "shock and eww", the filmmaker shows us how we can fight back and look for better, locally grown and raised options.  When these companies see that people aren't going to accept the crap they are shoveling out any more, change will follow.  If you want a candid look at how the food industry works, check this out.  When a company knowingly keeps the price of "fresh" produce and meats higher than the cost of cheaper, less healthy fast food options because the profit margins are better, it's time to change.  A great expose.  9/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 214: "If the police don't defend us, maybe we ought to do it ourselves."

Death Wish.  This seminal revenge film from 1974 was groundbreaking in its portrayal of vengeance at the time.  Architect Paul Kersey, a man set in his liberal ways, is confronted at work one day by a co-worker who "prophetically" warns him of the dangers of the city and if he had any sense, he'd get out of Dodge.  Paul writes off the encounter and then the unthinkable happens: his wife is brutally murdered and his daughter raped by a small but effective gang (three guys).  Paul initially puts his faith in the police, but is betrayed by their inaction.  After a business trip to Arizona, Paul is inspired by the Western ideal of justice and decides to take matters into his own hands.  He returns to New York, and wreaks holy hell on the guys who took his loved ones.  The story is one of the simplest plot lines in human history: the need for vengeance/justice.  Without spoiling anything, Death Wish does have one of the most satisfying endings I've seen.

Charles Bronson, while not the greatest thespian on the planet, does a great job conveying the anguish and anger of being a helpless victim.  Where he really shines is when he has converted into a machine bent on revenge.  His stone cold glares and icy demeanor are amazing to watch.  What really got me was the appearance of a really young (and REALLY creepy) Jeff Goldblum.  This guy just creeped me out from the minute he was on screen as one of the rapists/killers.

If you are a fan of revenge films, this is, hands down, THE movie you need to watch.  An unabashed portrayal of one of the most primal instincts we possess, Death Wish is an amazing movie.  I will warn you though, the scene of Paul's family being "victimized", to put it nicely, is a brutal, BRUTAL bit of on-screen violence that you will not soon forget.  Give this movie a viewing, or Bronson will come for you.  8.25/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!