Being a fan of the original Arnold
Conan the Barbarian, I was absolutely loathe to see the 3D film that was being passed off as the franchise reboot. I hate being right as much as I am. The 2011 release of
Conan the Barbarian was worse than I thought it would be. Lackluster action, a non-existent plot, terrible acting and everything not nailed down on the set being thrown at me in 3D was more than enough to trash this movie. This has to be the most uninspired
Conan I've seen, and I've seen
Conan the Destroyer. The character of Conan is supposed to full of passion and rage, this one just sits and smolders until it's time to draw his enormous sword and hack through waves of enemies. YAWN..... Conan's parents are once again slaughtered, and young Conan enters into a life of misery until he has the opportunity to pursue his vengeance. IN 3D!!!!!! Awful. Even the effects are mediocre.
Hawaiian-born beefcake Jason Momoa stars as Conan. Meh. How could the filmmakers forget that Conan is from a northern climate, and cast a Samoan linebacker? Whatever. Ron Perlman is Conan's father, putting little effort into the part. I really don't feel like insulting the rest of the cast here, so I'll move on.
Conan the Barbarian is just lazy, bored filmmakers regurgitating their favorite movies from their youth using the most recent, fad technologies to jazz it up. I gues the biggest issue for me is the fact that Conan actually has lines to deliver. The original let Arnold loose as Conan, and kept his mouth shut (seriously, in the whole movie he's got about 15 lines total). Skip this and watch Arnold in all his glory. 4/10.
See you tomorrow and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!
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