Day 118: "God can't save you from me."

A throwback action/revenge movie, 2010's Faster was not exactly what I had expected.  It was a bit better.  A film completely unencumbered by things such as expansive character development, a deep storyline, and subtle acting, Faster is a movie that gets right to the point in the quickest and most direct way possible.  Every character in this is, in one way or another, completely reprehensible, and it's difficult to find anyone to root for as a protagonist.  The plot is straightforward: "Driver" is released from a ten year prison stint, and goes on a Terminator-esque quest to avenge the death of his brother, who was murdered in a double cross.  Hunted by a relentless cop, who is days away from retirement, and a self-centered assassin, hired to end the "Driver's" rampage.  If I had to compare this to other films, it would fall under the same category as ones like: Point Blank, Payback (itself a remake of Point Blank), Get Carter (either one), and even Vanishing Point.  The action is substantial, the kills are sufficiently gruesome, and, best of all, it is concise in telling its story.  No lengthy dialogues recapping the basis for the characters' pain here.  Simple storytelling.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson stars as Driver.  Seriously, that is his name, the writers were stripping the story down so close to the bone they couldn't even be bothered to name him.  Johnson is like Schwarzenegger, the less he talks, the better the movie.  See Conan the Barbarian then watch Junior if you don't believe me, and for Johnson, watch this then watch Tooth Fairy, I think my point has been made.  Billy Bob Thornton is the cop on Driver's tail, a man with a past of his own.  Rounding out the main cast is Oliver Jackson-Cohen as Killer (another no name character), the assassin with issues.

I wasn't kidding when I compared Driver to a Terminator: same look in the eyes, some of the same invulnerability.  If you're looking for art, look somewhere else.  Faster is a flat out actioner that doesn't stop until everyone is dead.  Having now watched my fair share of craptastic action movies, this is a long, long way from the worst.  I'd have to qualify this as a new addition to my guilty pleasures list.  Not going in the library, but I'll watch it again.  7.5/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 117: "We're going to need more Holy Water."

Why do I always follow up a great night of movie viewing with such crap the next day?  Ah, well, it is what it is.  Tonight's steaming, tightly coiled, pile was Season of the Witch.  The only tHing that could have made this film less bearable would have been if it was directed by Uwe Boll.  Another generic Dark Ages, set in some unnamed eastern European alpine country, blame the Black Plague on God/Satan movie, Season of the Witch offers nothing new or interesting to the genre.  The story of two deserters of the Crusades (Americans no less!!) who are forced to escort a witch to a monastery for her "trial" and subsequent punishment, there is little action, plot or even acting as the film unfolds.   A bad film from beginning to end, but I have to admit, I've seen a lot worse; but not much. 

Nicolas Cage (surprise!) stars in this with Ron Perlman as his sidekick and confidant.  Claire Foy plays the Witch, and does a pretty good job of it, all things considered.  Christopher Lee has a fleeting, creepy role as a plague-ridden Cardinal, but the rest of the cast...meh.

This is the kind of bad movie that makers of REALLY bad movies aspire to create themselves.  I can only hope that Uwe Boll never, ever catches wind of this one.  Oh wait, it's not based on a video game franchise, so we may have dodged a bullet there.  This one's not worth the effort people, skip it. 3/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 116: "Remember ladies, if you don't stand up for something, you'll fall for anything."

I intentionally missed Sucker Punch when it was in its theatrical run.  I like Zack Snyder a lot, but this looked so off the wall, I had a hard time justifying if I really wanted to see it.  Yet again, I have proven myself to be an utter moron.  As good as 300 was, as stunning as Watchmen was, they cannot hold a candle to the cinematic firework show that is Sucker Punch.  Snyder and co-writer Steve Shibuya went with the offbeat name because that was the reaction that audiences would experience seeing this film; it would feel like you just got hit with a sucker punch out of nowhere.  They were right.  Absolutely methodical in its storytelling and pacing, I had no fraking idea what was going on for the first ten to fifteen minutes.  Then, WHAM, out of nowhere, all hell breaks loose, and the story is off like it was shot from a cannon.  Combine one pinch of Alice in Wonderland, a whole lot of The Matrix, one part Kill Bill, and some Annie for flavor, and you get Sucker Punch.  I'm not even going to try and recap the story here, everything would be a spoiler alert.  Like the poster says, "You will be unprepared."  This movie cemented, to me, that Zack Snider as one of the best visual directors of this generation.  His style is unmatched.  He has taken all the lessons taught by George Lucas, the Wachowskis, and even Alfred Hitchcock, and melded them into his own, brilliantly unique, cinematic vision.  I also have to admit to being surprised by the soundtrack as well.  I hate it when directors decide that the original recordings of particular songs they want aren't good enough, so they find some horrendous remake.  The remakes in this film actually fit the mood, and, with one notable exception, aren't too awful on the ears.

The movie stars Emily Browning as the lead: Baby Doll, Jenna Malone as Rocket, Jamie Chung as Amber, Vanessa Hudgens as Blondie, and Abbie Cornish as Sweet Pea.  This group is the heart of the movie, and they do a good job of it.  This is an action movie, not The King's Speech 2: Speech Harder, the acting isn't the focus.  Carla Gugino, Jon Hamm, and Oscar Issac fill out the villainous roles quite nicely as well.

This is Snyder's masterpiece.  I had so much fun watching this, I can't wait to put it in the permanent library in glorious hi-def Blu-ray.  Get through the first ten minutes, and you are in for a treat.  This is one of the best WTF movies I have seen since Memento, and this blow that movie away.  If you are a fan of the graphic novel genre, a Zack Snyder fan, or just want to have a great way to kill a couple of hours, see Sucker Punch.  9.5/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 115: "Donkey, it's me, Shrek, your best friend."

Well, I hated to do it, but two animated films by Dreamworks two nights in a row, I was desperate this evening.  Unfortunately, given when I got out of work, I had to go with a short film tonight, so Shrek Forever After it was.  Nowhere near as good as the first one, but nowhere near as dismal as the third, Shrek Forever After is the second best in the series.  This go round, Shrek finds himself weary of family life and its responsibilities, and gets himself into a deal with Rumplestiltskin himself.  Trading a day of family-free life for a day in his past, disaster, of course, strikes.  Apparently, Shrek is the only fairy tale creature who doesn't know that you don't deal with Mr. Stiltskin.  The usual laughs and gross-out humor are present, giving this the Shrek vibe again, but unfortunately, most of the jokes have gone a bit stale.  The "what if" tale does inject some new humor to the story, but ultimately, it feels like a rehash/retelling of another way that Shrek and Fiona could have met.  I know it is the third sequel, but I always hope for the best.  It's funny and in the end, good, but not as good as I was hoping for.

Mike Meyers and Cameron Diaz reprise their roles as the ogre couple, as do Julie Andrews and John Cleese as Fiona's parents.  Eddie Murphy is, again, Donkey as well.  It just seems overly laborious for the casting associate to find talent to voice the newly installed characters.  I mean there's an ensemble cast and then there is ridiculous, this is a case of the latter.  It seems that just about every comedic talent in L.A. had a bit speaking role in this.

Like I stated previously, this is not the worst installment, but I am grateful that this franchise is being put to bed.  Sorry Rumplestiltskin, Fairy Godmother, and whoever the villain was in number three, you cannot hold a candle to the deliciously evil Lord Farquaad (you rock John Lithgow!!).  Move on Dreamworks, or Pixar will distance themselves even further from you as THE animated storytellers of the modern era.  7/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 114: "You're many things Hiccup, but a dragon killer is not one of them."

As CGI movies that are not made by Pixar go, How to Train Your Dragon is top notch.  Had I not known this was not a Pixar film, I probably would have assumed it was.  The story is fun, the characters are well written, the animation is some of the best I've seen, and, most importantly, the dragons do not have speaking roles.  This could have easily skewed to the goofy, but the writers decided to keep the dragons quiet and let the animators handle the acting.  Great call.  The story itself is about a small Viking village that has to deal with constant raids from a band of dragons.  Hiccup, the disappointing son of the village leader and top dragon slayer, manages to disable one of the most feared dragons, and is able to train it.  Through the process of getting it trained, he discovers a lot more about the dragons, as a race, and realizes that they are not what they appear to be.  From there, the usual, thinly veiled life lessons are put on display for the audience, and the story resolves itself.  I have to say, this movie played out in, what looks like the usual, family way, but was extremely satisfying and a blast to watch.  The camera work, specifically, was spectacular.  The filmmakers obviously did a lot of research with areal stunt, and dogfight footage, because the scenes of the dragons in flight were amazing. 

Quite a few established actors lent their voice talents to this film: Gerard Butler, Jay Baruchel, Craig Ferguson, Jonah Hill, America Ferrera, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, and "The Doctor", David Tennant are just some of the cast.  It was funny to listen to the voices, as the adults all seemed to be Scottish Vikings, but the kids were American Vikings.

This was up against some serious competition for the "Best Animated Feature" Academy Award in 2010, and had it not been up against Pixar's Toy Story 3, it should have won easily.  It is a great movie for both kids and adults, just a ton of fun to watch.  It was also, unfortunately, released in 3D, but the usual grab bag of 3D tricks were not obvious, and it does not feel like a 3D specific movie, happily.  Check this out, it's a blast for everyone.  8.75/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 113: "You can't spell 'families' without 'lies'. You know what I mean?"

OK, fine.  It's the wrong time of year for this kind of movie, but I was intrigued by the trailer for Four Christmases.  The story of a couple who, for three straight years, have gone to great lengths to avoid spending the holidays with their families.  Lengths like "..going to inoculate orphans in Borneo...".  Now normally, I would consider this harsh, but in their particular case, I'll make an exception.  There are abundant, and funny, reasons why these families are to be actively avoided, BUT, the couple themselves are not blame-free themselves.  This is a funny, cruel, and at times, insightful look into everybody's family, because, everybody has at least one of these peoples' personality templates somewhere in their family tree.  The movie begins and goes about two thirds of the way through being absolutely hysterical, only to fall out of the comedy tree into the murky pool of sentimentality in the final act.  I should have known it wouldn't last. 

Vince Vaughn is at his usual snarky, sarcastic self here, and Reese "The Chin" Witherspoon is his lady love.  The two play very well off of each other, providing some really funny quotable moments early.  Unfortunately, you can tell that Vaughn isn't really comfortable with the romantic scenes (or maybe he's that good an actor, and I just am misreading his performance) which, coincidentally, is when the story grinds to a halt.  Robert Duvall, Sissy Spacek, Jon Voight, and Mary Steenburgen play the couple's parents, a motley group that I honestly have no idea what they saw in each other to begin with.  Jon Favreau, Tim McGraw, and Kristin Chenoweth play the couple's siblings, each one funnier than the last.

If you do see this, you may want to consider turning it off after they visit the third parent, because that is when it gets stupidly sappy.  Up until then, you will be laughing really hard.  It's a shame that the filmmakers decided to change the tone of the movie, because this one was shaping up to go into my regular Christmas rotation.  A pity, really.  7/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 112: "Don't look for a happy ending. It's not an American story. It's an Irish one."

The 1997 movie The Devil's Own is a hard look at the bonds that are forged by nationality, friendship and family.  Every one of these bonds is tested to their breaking points by the characters involved, and had me asking myself how far I would go to preserve them myself.  The story is a bit on the convoluted side, as it involves an IRA terrorist coming to the United States to lay low and purchase some weapons for the soldiers back home.  He is staying in the family home of an Irish New York cop, who has no idea of his houseguest's identity.  The cop is involved in a shooting incident that strains the relationship with his partner.  Finally, the cop and the terrorist are developing a close friendship throughout.  Got it?  Good.  Very heavy on the drama throughout, there is little humor or feel good material here, but it remains a solid, watchable film. 

Harrison Ford is Tom O'Meara, the NY cop who likes his job, and is apparently one of the only honest ones currently employed by the NYPD.  Ford plays O'Meara as a man devoted to the sanctity of family and the bonds of trust.  When that is betrayed, his world gets turned upside down.  Brad Pitt does an admirable attempt at a heavy Irish accent, and is believable as IRA soldier Francis McGuire.  This is a man who is as devoted to his beloved country as O'Meara is to his family.  Again, betrayal is high on his list of iron-clad no-no's.  With a supporting cast of veteran actors (Ruben Blades, Margaret Colin, Treat Williams, and Simon Jones) the acting is not an issue.  Even a small role for, then, newcomer Julia Stiles is done well.

I wanted to like this a whole lot more, but the constant reminders of loyalty and betrayal were just overpowering.  A good drama, it is worth a viewing, especially if you are a Brad Pitt fan.  Harrison Ford fans, he has done better, and you may want to look elsewhere for your Ford fix (might I recommend Witness or The Fugitive), if you aren't in the mood for Indy or Han.  6.75/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 111: "We're here to keep you on plan. That's all we're authorized to do."

Based on Phillip K. Dick's (one of my all-time favorite authors) short story "Adjustment Team," The Adjustment Bureau does its best to retain the overbearing paranoia and edginess that his stories are famous for.  As far as cinematic adaptations of Dick's works go, The Adjustment Bureau falls squarely in the middle, between the spectacular Blade Runner (based on "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep") and the abysmal Paycheck (based on the short story of the same name, in my opinion, his best).  This is a "what if" story.  "What if" God decided that his church should be based on a covert government organization, "what if" God's Plan was an actual Plan that was being laid out and enforced with a ruthless efficiency, and "what if" his angels and messengers were a "Men In Black" organization that ran the world to keep free will out of the people.  As I said, very paranoid stuff, but very interesting as well.  What would happen when two people who are not "supposed" to be together find each other anyway and fall in love?  How far would "The Chairman" (read: God) go to keep them apart without altering his precious Plan?  Watch the movie and see.  It does slow down at times, and is not the usual science fiction that audiences have come to expect from Dick based films, but it's an interesting, conversation-starting story.

Starring Matt Damon and Emily Blunt as the forbidden lovers, the two do a good job throwing themselves into the crazy situation they find themselves in.  Damon, as the senatorial hopeful, conveys wonderfully the paranoia of his particular lot.  Terence Stamp is, again, a blast to watch as the top agent Thompson, who is brought in to keep Damon and Blunt apart.

One part The Matrix, one part Inception, and a whole lot of initial confusion, his movie really looks hard at the question of free will versus guidance by unseen forces.  If this was based on any other story, it would have been about God's will at odds with our will, but the particular spin that Dick puts on the struggle keeps it from becoming preachy.  A definite "thinker" The Adjustment Bureau is worth a look.  7.25/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 110: "Well, on the bright side, they're not cheating on us, right?"

For whatever reasons, I have never found the Farrelly brothers' films to be all that funny.  Yeah there's a few laughs here and there, but they are never consistent chucklefests. Their latest movie, Hall Pass falls into the same monotonous category.  This movie suffers from one of my least favorite storytelling traps: The Sitcom Syndrome.  What this is, essentially, involves married couples where the husbands are complete, unabashed morons, and the wives are unrepentant, know-it-all bitches.  The men can do no right, nor do they have the capacity to thanks, mostly to their stupidity, and the women harp on the men for being stupid, and punish them mercilessly for any perceived misstep, no matter how inconsequential.  It is a formula that has been around for years, and it p**ses me off to no end, no matter the medium.  Why is it so difficult to write a comedy where the couples are equally intelligent and the laughs aren't somebody's fault.  But I digress.  Hall Pass is the story of two husbands who, due to their wives feeling slighted, are given one week "off" from their marriages.  This should be hysterical, instead, the audience is treated to the men making fools of themselves, and the women looking like vindictive nags.  I could have ignored this in it's half-hour incarnations on local television instead of dealing with it for an hour and change.

Owen Wilson and Jason Sudeikis are the unfortunate grooms in this tragedy.  Christina Applegate and Jenna Fischer (who looked a long way from the pasty Pam on The Office) are the wives.  To be perfectly honest, my favorite actor in the thing was Stephen Merchant, the British actor who supplied the voice for one of my favorite video game characters (Wheatley from Portal 2).  He played another hen-pecked husband, but played it so unreservedly and loose that he came off as the most natural of the lot.

A bad comedy with a life lesson best left learned on one's own, Hall Pass was a real stinker.  I enjoy comedys, but I'd almost rather watch a movie from the Mitchell brothers than the Farrelly brothers.  Skip it, it's not worth the time.  4.5/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 109: "Yes, the atomic bomb is terrible, but more terrible still are the effects of atomic mutation. Hello, I'm Lawrence Woolsey."

I'm a big fan of the atomic sci-fi/horror craze of the fifties and sixties.  I love the complete campiness of the genre and the way the filmmakers of the day used the atomic fear sweeping the nation to create new horror experiences.  They also used tricks and effects from stage productions to enhance the cinematic experience.  1993's Matinee revisits this era and adds an extra layer of suspense to the mix.  Set in 1962 during the Cuban Missile Crisis, Matinee focuses it's story on a new atomic horror movie coming to a theater in Key West Florida.  The producer of the movie (called Mant, half man, half ant, all terrifying!) has an enormous bag of tricks that he utilizes to make the movie more terrifying for the audience: seat buzzers, rear projector effects, subwoofers, and actors scattered throughout the audience.  It's wonderfully entertaining.  Unfortunately, the parallel plot of the horror of possible REAL nuclear annihilation coming from only 90 miles away tends to overshadow the fun that was supposed to be coming from the movie in a movie.  Don't mistake me here, I understand what the filmmakers were going for: the parallels of fake horror versus the reality if nuclear holocaust, but it was like trying to mix oil and water.

John Goodman is at his overblown best as Lawrence Woolsey; an overgrown kid set loose in a cinematic candy store.  His character is about 3/4 Ed Wood, and 1/4 Alfred Hitchcock.  A showman through and through, he is the highlight of the movie.  The filmmakers did their homework on B-movies, as there are a bunch of stars from the past on show here.  A personal favorite: Dick Miller.  If you have seen an action or horror movie in the last 20 years, you have seen this guy at least once.  If you still don't remember, he was the gun shop owner in The Terminator.

A fun movie, but a bit too serious for the genre it it was going for.  It had the look and feel, at times, of a Saturday matinee movie itself, Matinee is worth the time.  Nothing offensive here, rubber monsters a-plenty, and John Goodman in a role he was born to play.  7.5/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 108: "Yeah, Pippi, I'm not coming into work today. I've got a pest problem."

Take a large helping of Liar, Liar, add 6 penguins, take out any and all offensive language and finally, make it a whole lot less funny, and you've got Mr. Popper's Penguins.  A family film through and through, Mr. Popper's Penguins not as bad as I was expecting it to be, but I did leave the theater wanting more from the movie; specifically laughs.  The story itself revolves around a corporate real estate developer who is too busy for his estranged family.  His explorer father passes away and leaves him one final souvenir, 6 penguins.  For the rest of the movie, Popper spends his time bonding with his new family and reconciling with his original one.  The few laughs are courtesy of the, admittedly well done, CGI penguins, but there really should have been more. 

Jim Carrey stars in this, and as I said before, the laughs rarely come from him, disappointingly.  I was hoping for many more Carrey-esque, slapstick moments, but they never came.  This seemed to be a perfect vehicle for his particular style of humor, but never really got up to speed.  Carla Gugino is his estranged wife, and Angela Lansbury plays Mrs. Van Gundy, the owner of a New York landmark that Popper is trying to buy.  Lansbury, in particular, plays her role well, trying throughout to make Popper realize what is really important in life.

Disappointing, but a solid family film, Mr. Popper's Penguins is for everyone.  Very vanilla in its presentation and story, but completely inoffensive, take the family and get out of the heat.  I've seen better, but I've also seen a whole lot worse.  6/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 107: "What the hell does everyone want with my Gran Torino?"

It's not often that I get to see two phenomenal movies is a row.  The Sting was yesterday's masterpiece, today, something a bit more modern: Gran Torino.  This was another great movie from director Clint Eastwood; yes, that Clint Eastwood.  I missed this movie when it came out in 2008, and it slipped out on video while I was distracted by something shiny, so I never got around to seeing it.  My brother-in-law recommended (read: insisted) I see this, being a huge Clint fan himself.  Thanks, Jim, you were right.  This is, rightly, one of Clint's top three movies, with a strong argument for the number one slot.  The story revolves around Walt Kowalski (Eastwood), a cranky, set in his ways, and extremely bigoted widower who is dragged, kicking and screaming into a relationship with his Oriental (Hmong to be exact) neighbors.  Now his character is also a Korean War veteran, so that particular bit of prejudice is intact as well.  The story is wonderful and deep, allowing the audience to look into all sides of racial tensions.  Every possible bigoted slur and epithet is tossed around like proper names, so be prepared for VERY strong language throughout.  Do not let this sway your motivation to see this movie.  It is a brilliant look at American racism and the strides a single man, unwillingly at first, takes to change his own perspective.

Clint Eastwood's performance is as good as his direction.  Walt Kowalski should go down in cinema history as one of the great bigots to grace the screen alongside of such characters as: Rod Stieger's Gillespe (In the Heat Of the Night), Adam Baldwin's Animal Mother (Full Metal Jacket), and the classic small screen racist: Caroll O'Connor's Archie Bunker.  The Asian cast is just as good as Eastwood, their characters having their own particular prejudices towards Walt as well. 

The title of the movie refers to the 1972 Ford Gran Torino that Walt keeps as a reminder of his best, most productive past days.  This car is coveted by just about everyone who lays eyes on it.  This is another movie that needs to go on everyone's must see list.  The language is very harsh, but the lessons drawn from this story are ones that should be learned.  A raw and unflinching look at racism and its inevitable consequences, add Gran Torino to your Netflix queue, but send the kids to bed first.  9.75/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 106: "Who's the mark? Doyle Lonnegan."

The Sting is one of those movies that, being the film buff I am, people were always trying to get me to see.  I really need to listen to these people more often.  The Sting is the ultimate con movie.  The plot twists and cons going on in the story are so complex, I watched it twice and probably still missed something.  Brilliantly written, directed and acted, this is a do not miss picture.  The opening music (Scott Joplin's "The Entertainer") is a piece that is as iconic as any in film history.  The story itself, at its core, revolves around an attempted con of a gangster who murdered the friend of one of the main characters.  I know this is a pretty weak description, but if I told you any more, there would be spoiler alerts every three words.  The story is just that convoluted and tricky; you never know what is going to happen next and to whom.  Brilliantly broken up into, not only the three act structure of most films, but into the acts of a big con as well.  There are title cards and clever wipes to go from one scene to the next.  Watching this, it was no wonder it was nominated for ten Academy Awards, winning seven including Best Picture.

I also, to my new found dismay, have never been much of a fan of Paul Newman or Robert Redford (although I did really like him in another con film, Sneakers).  Not because I don't like their acting styles, but because I haven't seen almost any of their work.  This will be changing very soon, and opens up a whole new collection of movies to see.  The onscreen chemistry and natural style the two portray is nothing short of incredible.  Redford's natural charm and swagger as Johnny Hooker, Newman's cocky self-assuredness as Henry Gondorff; magnificent to see.  Robert Shaw plays the bad guy Doyle Lonnegan with such an oily and slick evil demeanor, it was just a joy.  Supported by veteran actors like Ray Walston (yup, Mr. Hand himself), Charles Durning, Harold Gould, and Eileen Brennan, this movie was given every opportunity for success, and grabbed it with both hands.

I normally don't gush like this over just any movie, so take this review for what it is: an absolute glowing endorsement.  Coming from a second Golden Age of American cinema, the late sixties through the mid-seventies, it easily stands on its own merits against such giants as The Godfather (parts one and two), Easy Rider, Patton, and One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.  It's that good and that entertaining.  Never too serious for it's own good, never too goofy to distract from the story, The Sting is a masterpiece of American cinema.  Find and see this movie.  10/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 105: "They're dead, I'm here. Like the punch line to some bad joke."

After sitting through some recent alien invasion movies, I found that they tend to be watchable about half the time, lousy a quarter, and really good a quarter.  Skyline was crap.  District 9 was great.  Today's movie: Battle Los Angeles falls inbetween, but more toward the good end of the spectrum.  A slam, bang, blow everything up alien war movie, Battle Los Angeles was fun to watch, but tended to take itself a bit too seriously.  The story begins with aliens landing off the coastlines of most countries in what appear to be meteor storms.  The aliens then quickly invade the cities along the coasts, conquering most.  Los Angeles is the exception.  A group of marines is sent into the city to rescue a group of civilians left stranded.  Honestly, it reminded me heavily of Black Hawk Down.  Not only in story, but the level and intensity of the violence was just as strong in most places.  Lots of explosions, alien blood and guts, and soldiers dying heroically, BLA was actually very good.  I was not a big fan of Independence Day, as I felt the scope was much too big for the given timeframe (really, the invading army arrives, conquers the entire world, and is eventually defeated by a Morse Code contacted, global army and a homebrewed computer virus within the span of 4 DAYS?!?! ), but this shows us one local battle in a global war.  Much more concise and streamlined.

Aaron Eckhart plays the "getting too old for this" Staff Sgt. Nantz.  A weary warrior on the verge of retirement (where is Danny Glover when you need him?), Sgt. Nantz is a perfect hero in this, leading his young troops into a desperate battle against overwhelming odds.  The troops that he commands are played by relative newcomers and they show the horror and shock of the situation very well.

I almost hate to admit I liked this, as many cliches as I have been pulling from my bag of tricks here, but it was fun.  If the aliens from District 9 had arrived in a bad mood and wanting our world for themselves, this is the likely story that would have occurred.  Check it out if you're in the mood for something mindless and fun.  7.5/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 104: "It's 'Love' that won, and old, left hand, 'Hate' is down for the count."

1955's The Night of the Hunter is one of the creepiest movies I have seen in a while.  I 'd heard many things about the movie, including, but not limited to: "...the best villain this side of Darth Vader..."  Any comparison to this particular bad guy, I gotta see.  This movie is extremely atmospheric, the black and white treatment giving it a very noir feel, and I truly believe it would have suffered if shot in "glorious Technicolor."  Every shadow has the possibility of being evil.  The story involves The Preacher, a truly, genuinely evil man, on a quest to "relieve" a family of it's wealth.  While in prison, this "Man of God" overhears his cellmate describing the crimes he is imprisoned for, and learns that that man's children are the sole people who know where $10,000 taken during it is hidden.  From this point forward, those children and the entire family are marked.  The rest of the story is the Preacher's attempts to get that money.  Any way he can; from the subtle to the cruelly outrageous.  This is a story of how true evil can manipulate its way into lives and subsequently ruin them.  Terrible to watch, but impossible to turn away, this is a classic of American cinema.

Robert Mitchum, in quite possibly his greatest role, is the deliciously evil preacher: Harry Powell.  His vision and portrayal of a complete psychopath is magnificent.  This is a man who truly believes he is on a mission from God, and will accomplish said mission with extreme prejudice.  Harry Powell makes Robert DeNiro's Max Cady (Cape Fear, 1991) look well adjusted and socially responsible.   The Preacher Powell has no qualms destroying what or whoever get in his way.  Peter Graves is Powell's unfortunate cellmate: Ben Harper, a young Shelley Winters is his wife Willa, and screen legend Lillian Gish is Rachael Cooper.  The hunted children are wonderful.  I honestly believe that director Charles Laughton probably did his best to terrify them before each take to get the performances he got from them.

I have to put this as one of the all-time great novel adaptations.  It's up there with To Kill A Mockingbird, Silence of the Lambs, and The Shawshank Redemption.  Incredible movie, and one not to be missed.  A portrait of pure evil, The Night of the Hunter is one film I am really glad I finally saw.  9/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 103: "We have the tools, we have the will, we travel into Hell."

Still having the itch for a decent horror film, I tapped into the foreign market and found the surprisingly creepy and gory Black Death.  Set in the relative beginning of the outbreak, 1348, the story follows a group of church endorsed warriors investigating a small village that the Plague has not hit.  The Catholic Church, being the Catholic Church, believes that this is because that entire village has forsaken Christianity and God in general.  Amazingly, this was one time they were right.  A nice, independent horror film, Black Death doesn't fall into the trap of a grandiose, completely out-of-left-field explanation and explosive climax that bigger productions tend to fall into.  A very tight story moves toward the eventual horrifying climax that occurs without having to rely on cliches and anachronistic solutions to resole the plot.  Without giving anything away, the true horror of this film does not lie in the gore or terror created by the environment, but in the effect the environment has on the characters.  It was chilling.

The only actor of note (to Americans, at least) was Sean Bean as the paladin leader of God's brigade.  He played the character very well, balancing the brutal soldier with the righteousness of his beliefs.  The remaining cast was very good, but Eddie Redmayne stood out as the young monk Osmund.  His transformation over the course of the film was staggering.  I'm going to have to look out for more work from this young talent.

This movie scratched the horror itch I have been feeling for the last week or so.  Released theatrically in the U.K and Germany, it was, unfortunately, relegated to direct-to-video status here in the States.  Too bad, I would have liked to have seen this on a big screen.  Not the splatterfest or serial killer in a hockey mask kind of horror film, but a more subtle, real horror film.  This is something that could have conceivably occurred at some point in human history, and that made it more horrifying.  7.75/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 102: "Under the Blood Moon, a man bitten is a man cursed."

Holy crap what a bad movie.  Red Riding Hood is VERY LOOSELY based on the Grimm's fairy tale, and by loosely, I mean they probably waved a book of stories over the script for this mess.  From the look of this movie, director Catherine Hardwicke's ambition was to out Tim Burton Tim Burton.  The production design looks like someone's idea of what a middle age village should look like.  She obviously watched Sleepy Hollow quite a few times and was trying to emulate the look.  A for effort, F for execution.  I mean, come on, every tree in the forest looked like it was made of spikes.  The story, such as it is, wants to be a gothic version of a werewolf tale, while injecting a modicum of modern teen angst/romance into the mix.  Nope, that didn't work either.  This was just a complete waste of time.

Amanda Seyfried is Valerie, the titular Red Riding Hood.  She looked like a lost dog wandering around a strange city; eyes wide open, head constantly cocked to one side, and brow furrowed.  Gary Oldman was Father Solomon, the veteran monster hunter with a dark secret of his own.  I have come to expect that he rarely picks a bad film, looks like I found one.  Billy Burke and Virginia Madsen play Valerie's parents, a couple who look like they never got past the rigors of adolescent worry.  The rest of the cast is just as uninspired.

**SPOILER ALERT** The wolf did it.  I'm sorry kids, but this was dull, predictable, and downright stupid the entire length of the movie.  Looks like I was justified in my concerns in taking a 6 page fairy tale and trying to make it a two hour movie.  I just hope that the producers learn their lesson from this and stop any further fable from coming to your local cineplex.  I mean how good could Quentin Tarantino's The Tortoise and the Hare actually be.  Red Riding Hood?  Skip it, see Legend or The Neverending Story instead (this is quite an endorsement for me, as I had a real problem with the base principle of The Neverending Story.  IT ENDED.  More on that later, though).  3/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 101: "Yes, the obvious always appears simple."

Who said that movies have to be long to be entertaining.  Tonight's movie: Sherlock Holmes and the Secret Weapon was a mere 68 minutes in length, but a lot of fun.  I decided to go back to 1943 for this one, I wanted to see what films were like from the days of paying once and sitting in the local movie house all day watching an assortment of films.  I've seen a boatload of the old science fiction serials, and I wanted a look at the adaptaions of some of the literary heroes.  This Sherlock Holmes is based on the Arthur Conan Doyle story "The Dancing Men," which I have never read, but I would assume this was a loose interpretation, as it is set during WWII and not in the Victorian period.  In this, Holmes helps a Swiss designer escape from the Nazis (forever the popular villains, along with zombies), so that he can bring his radical new bomb sight to the Allies.  Holmes uses a variety of disguises in this, as well as the usual heavy helping of deductive logic, however flawed it may be.  Thoroughly enjoyable and a great way to introduce yourself to some classic "whodunnit" cinema, Sherlock Holmes is just a fun ride through Saturday afternoon matinee history.

Basil Rathbone plays Holmes, the role for which he is best known.  He is a wonderfully cocky, slightly arrogant, and altogether brilliant Holmes, and one that Robert Downey, Jr. borrowed a bit from in his own take on the role.  Nigel Bruce is the ever bumbling Watson, although he does save Sherlock's bacon a few times.  Finally Lionel Atwill is Professor James "Moriarity" (Moriarty is the correct spelling, they have it  wrong in the credits.), slimy and totally devious, although he does suffer from "James Bond Bad Guy Syndrome," a crippling inability to just kill the good guy, but instead explaining the plan, and putting our hero into a eminently escapeable situation.

Lots of good, old fashioned fun, check it out.  Watch the black and white, though, not the colorized abomination.  Good for the whole family, although trying to convince a child that a B/W movie is worth seeing will be a labor, and short to boot!  7.75/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 100: "Choosing not to believe in the Devil won't protect you from him."

OK, day 100.  Well, I wish I had a better review for you all, but unfortunately, I saw The Rite.  I should have left.  Sorry, awful joke.  The story of one man's struggle with faith as shown through the rites of exorcism.  The seminary student believes in God, but has his doubts about the other fella.  He is sent to train in Rome with an experienced exorcist, and thus the nonsense begins.  Lots of talk about the nature of faith in both good and evil goes on for a long time with nary a resolution in sight.  Boring, boring, boring.  This is a film in a long line that was horribly advertised.  From the trailers, you would think this was a horror film solely about the expulsion of demons from a man of God.  Nope.  Said exorcism isn't even hinted at until the final third of the movie.  I guess I expected a bit more, but I shouldn't be surprised that I didn't get it.

Anthony Hopkins is the main star in this.  He does his usual job of underplaying the role and then having huge outbursts at opportune moments.  He tries to pull of the world weary exorcist with his own flair, but it kind of comes off like Hannibal Lecter as a priest.  Max Von Sydow's character from 1973's The Exorcist would kick this guy's ass up and down the streets of Rome.  Rutger Hauer makes a welcome appearance as the young priest's father, but still can't save this movie.

Maybe I'm bitter for expecting a horror movie, but getting a treatise on the pitfalls of not believing in the Devil.  I don't know.  What I do know is that this was a dull, overthought story.  5/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 99: "Don't be stupid, this is the shootout."

After much wailing and gnashing of teeth towards the USPS, I finally received a watchable copy of the 2008 movie, In Bruges.  I have to say, this movie was a hell of a surprise.  A great story, amazing script, beautifully shot (in Bruges, a visually stunning, medieval city), with performances that absolutely show off the talent the filmmakers got to act.  Having no idea of what I was in for, this was just a variety of startling, sometimes shocking, cinematic moments.  The plot revolves around two Irish hitmen, who, after an unexpected twist on a job, are exiled to Bruges (it's in Belgium) to await orders.  While there, they begin to soak in the local culture while bantering about the ins and outs of their chosen work and life in general.  As weird as this may sound, It reminded me of a more cerebral version of The Boondock Saints, and I loved that movie too.  A few more twists and turns come about, culminating in a truly shocking climax. 

The cast gathered for this movie is a plethora (love that word) of acting talent from the United Kingdom.  Colin Farrell is Ray, the inexperienced assassin just coming off his first job.  Brendan Gleeson (a vastly underrated acting talent) plays Ray's partner/mentor Ken, who attempts, mostly in vain, to expose Ray to a more cultured side of life than the local pub.  Finally, Ralph Feinnes does a magnificent turn as the two gunmen's boss Harry.  Whenever he played a villain previously, it was a cold, calculating, vicious performance.  Harry is a more outwardly psychotic combination of  Nazi Amon Goeth and serial killer Francis Dolarhyde (Schindler's List and Red Dragon, respectively.  All of their performances were brilliant.  They gave a magnificent depth and personalities to characters who could have just as easily remained caricatures of hired thugs.  These actors made the film the wonderful personality study that it was.

The last main character in the movie is the city of Bruges itself.  I had no idea this city was so beautiful.  The characters often refer to it as a "fairytale city," and they are not wrong.  Now don't mistake me here, there are fun action sequences her as well, but they come from circumstances set up by the story; the story is not a slave to the action.  Simultaneously funny, horrifying, and touching, In Bruges is a movie that slid out under my radar, and I would like to thank several of my friends for recommending this, It's going in the library.  The language is graphic, so be warned, but do not let it sway you from putting this DVD in your queue.  Worth it on every level.  9/10.

Well kids, tomorrow I hit the century mark.  Can't believe I've stuck with this as long as I have, and I want to sincerely thank all my friends who have recommended titles to me (and those who told me to get back on Netflix, without which, I would be screwed), you guys are streak-savers!  To my beautiful wife, Stephanie, only 265 more after tomorrow!!  Thanks for your recommendations and most importantly your patience so far,  we have watched some stinkers.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 98: "I mean to kill you in one minute, Ned. Or see you hanged in Fort Smith at Judge Parker's convenience."

This may be as close to blasphemy as a film buff can get, but i have never been much of a fan of John Wayne.  sorry, but there is only so much drawl I can take before it just gets old.  When the remake of True Grit was released, a lot of film fans were up in arms about the presumption the Coen brothers had the nerve to display.  Honestly, this new one is the better movie.  The original True Grit was released towards the end of, what I like to call, the "romantic" period of the Western (the 1940's through 1970), the good guys were good guys, the bad guys wore black, and the women acted like submissive morons.  Thank goodness that began to change in the late 60's.  Westerns became darker and meaner, like the time they originally took place.  2010's True Grit is much more faithful to the book, and tells the story in a much less "romanticized" fashion.  "Rooster" Cogburn was, according to legend, a broken, drunk, alienated man who grudgingly wore the badge of U.S. Marshall.  John Wayne just can't pull that off.  Sorry, fans.  The newest incarnation is the better film from the top down.  Great script, amazing performances, and the Coen brothers stamp of quality make this the best Western to be released since Clint Eastwood's Unforgiven. 

Jeff Bridges pulls yet another Oscar-worthy performance out of his hat as "Rooster"Cogburn.  Looking a mess and combining his unmistakeable voice with a slur like he's got a mouthful of pebbles, he makes Cogburn a fully fleshed-out person, as opposed to a two dimensional, cartoon character.  Matt Damon turns in his best role since Good Will Hunting, as Texas Ranger LaBouef.  Josh Brolin and Barry Pepper are marvelous as the hunted villains, providing a cruelty that is tough to watch at times.  The real gem of this movie, is relative newcomer Hailee Steinfeld.  Her portrayal of Mattie Ross, the girl looking to bring justice to her father's killer, is magnificent.  She brings a certain naivete and pragmatism to the role that makes Mattie's choices that much more shocking.

This was a magnificent movie, definitely one of the Coens' best of all time.  I am an enormous Jeff Bridges fan, as you all know by now, and his performance in this was only overshadowed by Colin Firth's in The King's Speech.  This is one for my permanent library,  and I can't wait for the first chance I get to watch this one again.  Check it out, and don't let the specter of John Wayne's wooden performance overshadow the fact that this is the superior movie.  9.75/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!! 

Day 97: "I wouldn't say I'm the top manager in the country, I'm in the top one"

Watching sports movies from other countries is a very unique experience.  Being from the United States gives me a very limited history with proper football (or soccer, as we like to call it).  A sport bordering on religion in the rest of the world, the U.S. has a minute interest in the game.  The Damned United is a football movie which is about the short (44 days, to be precise) run that Brian Clough had as manager for England's greatest team of the day: Leeds United.  As a coach Clough is portrayed as an arrogant, caring, stubborn, disenfranchised person trying to bring his brand of football to a team that was widely regarded as extremely dirty.  American fans would probably liken them to the National Hockey League's Philadelphia Flyers of the mid-seventies (The Broad Street Bullies), talented, but brutal.  Taking a team over from a popular manager, Clough had his work cut out for him.  The story flashes backwards and forwards to show us how this man came to be regarded as a top manager.  This movie moves along very nicely, utilizing its time shifts to keep the story fresh.  Watching this has made me realize that I need to watch more Barclay's Premiere League Football.  Everything about the sport: the players, the coaches, the front office, the fans, these people bleed the sport.  I was thoroughly entertained watching this.

Michael Sheen does an amazing job as Clough, juggling a bevy of emotions throughout.  Timothy Spall is Clough's closest colleague, and his choice to not come to be an assistant really played a huge role.  His character had an impact, even while not on screen.  Colm Meaney played Don Revie, the manager who is quite demonized in this film, he comes across as bitter and extremely hostile towards Clough.  One can hope that the professional relationship between the two didn't have that much animosity.

On the whole, a very entertaining football picture.  Filmed to look like it was made in the period, even the film stock has that graininess that I have come to associate with the sixties and seventies.  Spall and Meaney provide two standout performances.  This is a blast to watch, and really shows someone on the outside of the English football culture what passion and devotion those who are involved have for their beloved sport.  8.75/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Review scores for month #3

I honestly can't believe I'm just over a quarter of the way through this thing.  96 movies gone and 269 movies left to see.  This is a lot harder than I thought it would be, just from a time management perspective.  Seemed like a great idea when I was on vacation.  Enough reminiscing, here's last month's wrap up:

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs-7
Eat, Pray, Love-5.5
Defiance-8.25
Run, Fatboy, Run-8.25
Gulliver's Travels (2010)-3.75
The Star Chamber-8.25
The Dilemma-8
Saw 3D-7
No Strings Attached-6
Thor-8.5
Easy A-8
The Mechanic-8.25
When In Rome-2.5
A Night At the Opera-9.25
The China Syndrome-9
Disney's A Christmas Carol-9.25
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides-8
The Experiment-7.75
Black Dynamite-8
Fortress-6.5
Field of Dreams-5.75
Scarface (1932)-9
Drive Angry-7
I Am Number Four-4.75
Revolver-7.75
The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard-8.75
Suspect Zero-4.5
Last Man Standing-5.25
The Atomic Cafe-9.75 **PICK OF THE MONTH**
Dragon Wars-3
Metalstorm: the Destruction of Jared-Syn-0.25 **STINKER OF THE MONTH**
No Escape-7.5
Around the Bend-8.25
Far Cry-2

Cruising along. an average score of  6.78, a much better month, but a few I now have the shame of saying I have seen, but a couple of great surprises in there as well.  I again want to express my gratitude to everyone around the world who is reading my trite observations, I really appreciate it.  Please tell your friends if you like it, or tell me if you don't.  Thanks again, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 96: "Oh, that's sweet. It's called a hand grenade."

Uwe Boll.  One of the most horrifying names in modern film.  This guy has never made a good movie.  Ever.  On a whim, since the USPS around here seems incapable of delivering an undamaged copy of In Bruges to my mailbox, I decided to indulge the masochist in me and watch the 2008 video game movie Far Cry.  I had no idea that Boll had made this one.  Released in his native Germany and, amazingly, Los Angeles, before its inevitable trek to Wal-Mart DVD dump bins around the globe, Far Cry is based on the 2004 Ubisoft first-person-shooter.  The movie has very little to do with the plot of the game, but it is true to the level of violence and action presented in the game.  Far from Boll's worst work, but still in the same neighborhood, Far Cry is what would happen if a bad 80's action movie was made today.  The only things missing are Ah-nuld the Govern-ator and a whole mess of clever one liners.  It's obvious that Boll has at least played the game, as some of the costuming and set pieces seem to be accurate, but the man should have his director's card revoked.  He couldn't effectively tell a story if Steven Spielberg was showing him how to do it, step by step.  Uwe Boll is, without a doubt, the Ed Wood of the current generation of filmmakers, only minus the talent.

The acting in this is so horrendous, I will spare the "actors" the shame of being mentioned here.  Except one:  Udo Kier.  You are a bad person, and should be ashamed for allowing your talents to be wasted on this crap.  No one else of any celebrity is in this steaming pile, and bravo for that omission on your resume.

While not the complete disaster I was expecting, it definitely was awful.  Really awful.  Terrible script, terrible story, even worse dialogue and acting, this is not one to watch in the search for cinematic artistic achievement.  It's also got one of the most AWKWARD love scenes I have seen.  Avoid it unless you just want to see a bad movie.  The hero asked the heroine to rate him (yeah, in THAT way) she gave him a 3. I disagree.  2/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 95: "Are you glad your dad's not dead any more?"

A good friend of mine sent me a list of recommendations for films I hadn't seen for this blog.  He and I have similar tastes in films (Field of Dreams excluded, sorry, dude.), so I figured it was high time I heeded his call.  I went with 2004's Around the Bend.  What a surprise.  The story of a single father, his son, his grandfather, and eventually his father (yes, four generations of men in a relationship story) is an awkward one to tell, but the filmmakers pull it together in a wonderful way.  This is basically (I mean this in the best possible way, not as an insult at all) a Steel Magnolias for men.  The relationships are complex and go in many different directions, there is anger, confusion, joy,  almost the whole emotional gamut is run here.  The grandfather's plan to bring the estranged men in this family together is crazily brilliant.  No spoilers here.  Do not be mistaken, this is not a chick flick for guys.  This is a blueprint for male bonding.

The cast is wonderful.  Josh Lucas plays the recently separated father, giving just the right amount of exasperation to the role.  He's trying to keep what's left of his family together, while adding the new relationship with his estranged father to the mix.  Christopher Walken plays Lucas' deadbeat dad, newly replanted in his life by the invitation of his father, Lucas' grandfather.  The ever-present Michael Caine is the grandfather, and does his usual great job.

One part road trip, one part comedy, one part drama, and a whole lot of father/son bonding, Around the Bend is a really enjoyable movie.  This one slipped by me (and a whole lot of other people) when it was originally released as an arthouse film (on 4 screens in the U.S., apparently), but it has a whole new life on home video.  do yourself a favor, and check this one out if you're in the mood for something different, and very entertaining.  Thanks Branden!  8.25/10. 

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 94: "All I want to do is get off this island."

So, being the big Ray Liotta fan that I am, I decided that while I'm doing this blog, I would see everything he's done that I have missed.  Tonight's Liotta filled flick was 1994's No Escape.  Hot off the heels of the bad cop movie Unlawful Entry, No Escape is the story of a hyper-violent military captain who murdered his CO, and through a series of events, gets delivered to a maximum security island, named Absalom, to serve his life sentence.  The island is divided into two factions: one relatively peaceful, and the other, well, let's just say they're not a nice bunch to be around.  An ultra-violent, dark future movie, there is a ton of action for fans of the genre.  Story-wise think Lord of the Files minus the sense of humor (note: there was nothing funny about LotF) with adults running the show, and set in the year 2022.  Unrelenting and unforgiving in it's violence, No Escape is one of those films from the early 90's, like Total Recall, that reveled and, to an extent, celebrated excessive destructive behavior.  I liked this film, not just because of Liotta, but because I just had fun with it.

Ray Liotta does a fine job as the military man gone overboard.  He downplays the character, a great departure from the sociopaths he was known for previously.  Lance Henriksen plays "The Father," the leader of the peaceful tribe.  The role seems perfectly made for him.  Stuart Wilson portrays the "Outsider" leader Marek, a stone cold crazy, intent on destroying whatever he lays his eyes on.  The remaining cast plays the desperation in their characters with the same intensity as the leads.

This will never be mistaken for a classic of the silver screen, but if you want a testosterone filled slaughter fest, No Escape may just be the movie for you.  7.5/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 93: "Welcome to your death, Warrior."

Remember when you were young, and you would watch a movie, then see something similar advertised, then go see that "other" movie, thinking it would kick ass because the first on like it was awesome?  When I saw The Road Warrior in 1982, I was totally blown away.  I'm talking about the kind of blown away that I had previously reserved for greats like the Star Wars movies.  Later in the year, I saw a trailer for Metalstrom: the Destruction of Jared-Syn and thought to myself, "This looks like The Road Warrior, I need to see this!  OH MY GOD, it's in 3D too?!?! (I was young).  It's gonna be amazing!!"  My buddy and I pined for this movie, but by the time it was released, it had faded to an obscure, forgotten corner of my mind.  Having recently stumbled upon this on Netflix, I thought it was high time for me to relive a bit of my youth and finally watch Metalstorm.  Boy, that was the biggest kick in the crotch trip down memory lane I have ever experienced.  This was a total and utter turd from the opening credits.  I wish I had seen this when I was a kid so I could have forgotten about it by now.  Everything about this movie was low budget and even lower production values.  At only 82 minutes long, it felt like it went on forever.  Horrendous pacing, elementary school level writing, the worst special effects I have seen outside of and Ed Wood movie, and acting that would.....words don't exist to describe how bad that was.  A Mad Max ripoff to the bone, this thing just fails epically where the Mel Gibson movies succeeded.  The car chases looked like they were shot at 20 MPH, and, of course, I will not go into the attempted 3D.

A very early job for Kelly Preston, it's really difficult to tell that it's even her (lucky girl).  I'm just glad somone decided to give her another shot after this monstrosity.  Mike Preston, fresh off of his turn as the nomad leader from The Road Warrior (yet another reason I wanted to see this), is just awful as Jared-Syn, the villain.  I can't even decide what makes him the bad guy in this movie, other than the fact that everyone says he is.  The rest of the cast is ultimately forgettable, even with appearances from Tim Thomerson and Richard Moll.

Just absolutely God-awful, I've seen better film on week-old pudding.  Thank goodness I missed this as a youth, the emotional scarring would still be there.  Mark, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for talking us out of going to see this as kids.  As an adult, I can now process my feelings on how bad Metalstorm: the Destruction of Jared-Syn truly is: it is one of the bottom 5 movies I have EVER seen.  It's only redeeming quality is that it was better than Crank: High Voltage, by a hair.  I really need to start avoiding movies with colons in the titles.  0.25/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 92: "I keep trying to understand, but none of this is making any sense."

I'd heard very mixed things about Dragon Wars.  Some good, mostly bad, so I figured it was time to make up my own mind.  This has modern day B-movie written all over it.  Pretty good CGI effects, paper thin story, and horrendous acting all mixed together in a chop socky, giant monster soup.  If you suspend ALL disbelief at the door, you might enjoy this, otherwise, you are in for an hour and a half of wondering what the hell you were thinking, choosing to watch this.  Dragon Wars is good in the same way that Reign of Fire was.  The plot revolves around an ancient battle between good and evil fought by dragons in the modern world.  Most of the history of this world is revealed through a long flashback early in the film.  The script, such as it is, is terrible.  Explain to me how an ancient Korean legend, told amongst Koreans for centuries, involving Korean lineage (specifically birthmarks and the like) gets transplanted onto two, obviously white, Anglo-Saxon (one blonde) people, is told to them by Robert Forrester's character, and they are being hunted by a white, lawyer looking guy, who is a brand new member of AARP  The story plods along, providing brief fun moments with the all too infrequently seen dragons.

A cast of, essentially, unknowns does nothing to impress.  Veteran actor Robert Forrester is one of the only actors I recognized, and he wasn't in it much.  Craig Robinson is also here, but it looks like he was just getting a paycheck.

Bland and boring, this movie did nothing for me.  Reign of Fire is a much better dragon movie, if you're in the mood, but the best of the bunch is 1981's Disney/Paramount collaboration Dragonslayer.  The dragon in that (Vermithrax Pejorative) is, to this day, the best onscreen dragon ever.  Don't bother with Dragon Wars.  3/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 91: "We have spent more than two billion dollars on the biggest scientific gamble in history, and we have won."

Truthfully, documentaries can be ten times more terrifying than any horror movie ever made.  The Atomic Cafe is one such movie.  Made in 1982 during the final decade of the Cold War, it uses archival and military footage to show how horrifically comedic the entire atomic scare era was.  Actually watching one of the infamous "Duck and Cover" films is one of the most ridiculous things I have ever, EVER, seen.  The destructive power of the A-bomb must have been so incomprehensible that the general population actually bought into the concept of "Duck and Cover."  Simply put "Duck and Cover" is nothing more than falling to the ground and covering yourself with whatever is handy.  This was what was believed to keep you alive in a nuclear blast.  Really.  One of my favorite lines from a bomb shelter propaganda film: "Be sure to utilize tranquilizers to ease the strain and monotony of life in a fallout shelter. A bottle of 100 should be adequate for a family of four. Tranquilizers are not a narcotic, and are not habit-forming."  HOLY S**T.  I could not believe what I was seeing.  This is one of the single most powerful documentaries about the effect of propaganda on a people.  Ironically, it was used on a people that had just fought a World War against a nation that was just as successful with it's own use of insane propaganda.

The  movie begins with archival military footage of early nuclear tests (the Trinity Test, the Bikini Atoll Test) and the Hiroshima and Nagasaki attacks.  From there, it goes to show how crazy the United States went with fears of Communism and their possession of nuclear technology.  This country went completely nuts.  All "Duck and Cover" is going to do is provide the enemy an easy way to count the dead; those that weren't vaporized.  An absolutely astounding documentary, this one is a "do not miss" on my list.

It is available for instant viewing and dvd on Netflix (only place I was able to find it), put it in your queue.  I grew up in the 70's and 80's, and I remember the end years of the paranoia that was the Cold War.  I never imagined that any time period was more delusional, terrified and misguided than Germany in the 30's, but The Atomic Cafe vividly demonstrates that America was dangerously close.  Here's the twist: it's actually a comedic look back.  See this movie.  9.75/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 90: "It's not your fault Giorgio is a half-wit. Do you really want to get killed for a half-wit?"

Last Man Standing is the1996 remake based on the immortal Akira Kurosawa's  1961 Yojimbo.  There is a reason you don't mess with the best: you will invariably get beaten into the dirt by it.  Even the Clint Eastwood western, A Fistful of Dollars pales in comparison, and that is a classic western.  Last Man Standing is an object lesson in leaving greatness alone.  The plot revolves around a loner who suddenly arrives in a town, which is a battleground for two rival prohibition gangs.  He sees a chance to make a few dollars by playing the gangs against each other, but as fate and cliche would have it, the plan goes pear shaped.  Quickly.  It amazed me that this movie was only an hour and forty one minutes long, it felt like it would never end.  Director Walter Hill apparently thought that by slowing the pace down, he was building drama and tension.  Nope.  He put the movie in park and only occasionally into first gear.  The all too infrequent action sequences were to short and jumpy, and the dialogue seemed to be an awful mess, with cliches and one liners flying faster than the bullets.

Bruce Willis seemed to be in his usual zone here as the brutal, and very tough to kill hero.  Delivering lines without his normal humor was kind of weird to see, but it was how John Smith was written.  Christopher Walken again played the psychotic hitman to his best, actually toning his usual crazy down.  It was tough watching these two actors downplaying their roles, as this seemed a perfect opportunity to go nuts, but it is what it is.

See the original Yojimbo and miss this.  Kurosawa delivers an infinitely better movie at a savings of ten minutes.  Last Man Standing could have been better had the writers LOOSELY based it on Yojimbo, not remained slavishly devoted to the original script.  Leave the classics alone.  5.25/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 89: "We saw things men should not see. Agony. Torture. Evil."

I am always intrigued by serial killer movies.  They fascinate the morbid side of my mind.  Suspect Zero is a bizarre movie in both the good and bad ways.  It wants to be a combination of Se7en, Silence of the Lambs, with a touch of psychic "voodoo" thrown in to differentiate it from the crowd.  What it wants and what it is are two completely different things.  This is an uninspired, confusing mess.  The story goes in so many different directions at the same time, I have no idea which plot point to follow.  OK, we start with a murder of a creepy, but seemingly, innocent man: begin the hunt.  Wait, there's another body in a car nearby,  who's this guy?  Can we connect them?  Not yet.  Moving on....  Wait, what the hell is with the big, black truck?  Never mind, there's a guy over here having hallucinations about the murders, sketching them, and sending them to the FBI guy.  Who's he?  We'll find out soon, but not yet.  Wait, he's a psychic?  On and on it went.  For every question the writers presented, they resolved a handful while leaving the vast majority unanswered and me in a confused daze.  By the time it ended, I looked like a dog trying to understand quantum physics.  The climax was exciting though, but it was nowhere near good enough to make sense of the other 91 minutes.

Aaron Eckhart is as intense as usual, using those crazy eyes of his to show how serious he is about solving these murders.  He seems to be one of those rare actors who can completely overact by doing nothing,  it's impressive to see.  Ben Kingsley just confuses me sometimes.  I read somewhere that "..he is the best actor in the worst movies."  I am going to have to agree with this.  He plays the tortured former agent very well, but come on Ben...two words: quality control.  Learn them, live them.  Carrie-Anne Moss is in this as well, but I couldn't figure out why.  She just looked confused and out of place.

A miss on just about every level, all Suspect Zero made me want to do was go watch Copycat, a good, bad movie (sorry Stef, I know you love this one) about the hunt for serial killers.  Just an observation Hollywood, but it seems the best serial killer movies have a nice balance between the hunt for the killer, and learning about the killer's origins and history.  I was never invested in who the killer was, why he was killing, or whether he got caught or paid for his crimes.  Better luck next time.  4.5/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!