Day 96: "Oh, that's sweet. It's called a hand grenade."

Uwe Boll.  One of the most horrifying names in modern film.  This guy has never made a good movie.  Ever.  On a whim, since the USPS around here seems incapable of delivering an undamaged copy of In Bruges to my mailbox, I decided to indulge the masochist in me and watch the 2008 video game movie Far Cry.  I had no idea that Boll had made this one.  Released in his native Germany and, amazingly, Los Angeles, before its inevitable trek to Wal-Mart DVD dump bins around the globe, Far Cry is based on the 2004 Ubisoft first-person-shooter.  The movie has very little to do with the plot of the game, but it is true to the level of violence and action presented in the game.  Far from Boll's worst work, but still in the same neighborhood, Far Cry is what would happen if a bad 80's action movie was made today.  The only things missing are Ah-nuld the Govern-ator and a whole mess of clever one liners.  It's obvious that Boll has at least played the game, as some of the costuming and set pieces seem to be accurate, but the man should have his director's card revoked.  He couldn't effectively tell a story if Steven Spielberg was showing him how to do it, step by step.  Uwe Boll is, without a doubt, the Ed Wood of the current generation of filmmakers, only minus the talent.

The acting in this is so horrendous, I will spare the "actors" the shame of being mentioned here.  Except one:  Udo Kier.  You are a bad person, and should be ashamed for allowing your talents to be wasted on this crap.  No one else of any celebrity is in this steaming pile, and bravo for that omission on your resume.

While not the complete disaster I was expecting, it definitely was awful.  Really awful.  Terrible script, terrible story, even worse dialogue and acting, this is not one to watch in the search for cinematic artistic achievement.  It's also got one of the most AWKWARD love scenes I have seen.  Avoid it unless you just want to see a bad movie.  The hero asked the heroine to rate him (yeah, in THAT way) she gave him a 3. I disagree.  2/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!