Day 88: "I'm Don Ready, and I've got the goods."

Have you ever watched a movie and laughed so hard that your stomach hurt afterwards?  I just watched The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard, and my stomach is killing me.  I vaguely remembered this movie being advertised a couple years ago, and it came and went without a blip on the radar.  Scanning through Netflix, the title sparked a memory, and I brought it up.  Funniest damn thing I've seen in a long, long time.  Essentially the story of a failing car dealership that brings in a team of "mercenaries" to liquidate the stock in four days so the lot doesn't go under.  Simple plot, big jokes.  This is a comedy that seems to be aimed at an audience that grew up in the eighties, as a lot of the jokes will probably be missed by a younger crowd.  The jokes are both subtle and outrageous, many occurring as background dialogue.  The characters were diverse and, in some cases, way over the top to the point of possibly being offensive.  I honestly didn't care.  I laughed almost the whole way through, and I don't mean I chuckled occasionally, I LAUGHED.  Out loud, to the point of needing to pause to catch my breath.  I just couldn't believe it.

Jeremy Piven is actually one of my favorite comedy actors since I saw him in PCU (a small, 1994 comedy that was a launch point for several actors).  Coincidentally, Don Ready seems to be a graduated version of "Droz" Andrews, Piven's character in PCU.  His snarky, sarcastic, smart style has been heavily borrowed from by the likes of Ryan Reynolds and Vince Vaughn, just to name a couple.  The rest of the ensemble cast, including: Ving Rhames, James Brolin, Ken Jeong, Ed Helms, and David Koechner, to name just some, play off the great script and just seem to be having a blast.  Several "guest stars" also make appearances, providing even greater laughs and actually adding more to the story.

I would love to put this in my top ten comedies if there was room for an eleventh.  Sorry, couldn't resist.  The only time it slowed down was during a couple of love interest scenes, but just about every movie's got at least one of those.  This one came and went without a ripple in the water, but I am now on a mission to spread the gospel of The Goods.  Seriously, see this one: you will laugh hard.  8.75/10.

See yoo tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 87: "You got a big mouth on a small head there, Sunshine."

Guy Ritchie is one of those directors that people either love or hate.  For the record, I'm on the love side of the fence (Swept Away notwithstanding).  Having taken this stance, Revolver is a curious beast of a movie.  1 part classic Guy Ritchie storytelling, 1 part The Sting, and a whole lot of "what the hell is going on here?", Revolver is one of the most confusing movies I have seen in a very long while.  The plot revolves around a gangster/gambler, fresh out of prison, who stumbles onto a huge, multi-faceted con while attempting to get revenge on a former employer.  Past that, I have little idea what was going on.  This story takes so many twists and turns, it makes Snatch and Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels look like simple crime dramas.  What I could comprehend, I really liked, and I think I'm going to have to see it a couple more times to completely get it.  This is a very intelligent, twisting path through one man's (eventually two men's) psyche and the road he takes toward redemption.  I think. 

Jason Statham takes on a much different role than we are accustomed to seeing him in.  Yes, he is a badass, but a much more cerebral badass.  Lots of internal dialogue (yes, dialogue) and a physical appearance that is radically different from any other role he has had, show Statham as an actor that can extend beyond the action genre.  Ray Liotta (WOOHOO!!) is Mr. D, the primary antagonist.  He is marvelously smarmy, as always, and brings his particular brand of crazy to the table.  Vincent Pastore and Andre Benjamin play a couple of unforgettable loansharks as well.

Like I said, I'm going to have to watch this again to understand it completely, and that puts it in pretty exclusive company on my list (everything by the late Stanley Kubrick, Magnolia and Boogie Nights are the others).  It was really hard to come up with an initial score, and I am reserving the right to possibly change this score at a later date, but I did like this, as confused as I was.  7.75/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 86: "My entire childhood has been an episode of X-Files."

I wasn't sure what to expect from I Am Number Four.  Whatever it was, it sure wasn't what I got when I watched it.  Another in a line of supernatural teen movies, Number Four was very bland and ordinary.  A fugitive from another world is on the run from the race of vicious creatures that annihilated his home world.  Only nine children and their protectors survived, came to Earth and have been in hiding since.  Sounds great on paper, but not in execution.  It comes off as just another teen angst story with science fiction elements draped over it.  This guy and others of his species have these amazing powers, but they are running endlessly from alien bad guys that they can beat without even breathing heavily?  How stupid do the filmmakers think we are?  Tack on the usual teenage rebellion, high school cliques, jealous exes, and unnecessary pouting, and you have a predictable, paint-by-numbers borefest.  Even the special effects were uninspired (seriously, one of the superpowers is apparently an LED flashlight built into the palm of the hero's hands).

A cast of relative newcomers (Alex Pettyfer, and Glee's Dianna Agron, and Teresa Palmer) leave me wondering about the future of movies, as they were just bland, pouty and going through the motions in this.  Timothy Olyphant seemed to be the only actor attempting to breathe life in to his cardboard cutout of a protector.

I really have just run out of things to say here, good or bad.  I was totally underwhelmed by this movie, a completely forgettable script and lousy acting added up to a movie that, I'm sure, will one day get a sequel.  God knows, there is the rest of this bunch to possibly film.  I feel like I Am Number Four has done for aliens what Twilight probably did for vampires and werewolves.  Bleah....  4.75/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 85: "Let her go and give me the child, or I'll blow all your heads off"

An unfortunate victim of the current 3D craze, Drive Angry was actually quite a bit of fun.  The story is in the same vein as Gone in 60 Seconds (the 1974 original, not the crap Bruckheimer remake) and Vanishing Point.  A paper-thin story is supported by some monumental car chases and shoot-outs.  Shot intentionally and specifically for 3D, there is always some object flying off the screen at you, using rather unconvincing CGI technology (read: it all looks fake).  The action is ratcheted up to insane John Woo-esque levels, including his trademarked use of slow motion.  Not art by any stretch of the imagination, and minus the 3D garbage, a solid summer, popcorn-munching, mindless actioner.  Now don't misunderstand me here, Drive Angry is not even on the same planet as the Die Hards, Indiana Joneses, and Lethal Weapons of the world, it's not even in the same class as Speed, but for an hour and a half, I was whisked away to a world of insane car chases, Satanic rituals, and highly improbable gunfights; and it was FUN.  That's all, just...fun.  Cars all have their "explode on contact" switches on, and the tanks are full of gasoline.

Nicolas cage does his usual tough guy act here, nothing new under the sun.  William Fichtner just looks like he's having a blast as the main villian, and Amber Heard is the sultry female eye candy, although the character is a bit of a badass.  David Morse and Billy Burke round out the cast.  Fichtner is, hands down, my favorite actor in this, he's just so....funny and evil.

A new attempt at a Grindhouse movie, Drive Angry succeeds by avoiding the trap other action movies fall into: I never takes itself seriously.  Never, and it's a much better movie for that.  Check this out if you just want to burn away a couple of hours having mindless fun.  7/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 84: "One day, I'm gonna run-a da' whole works."

Brian DePalma's 1983 South Florida remake of Scarface is in my top 3 crime dramas of all time.  I figured it was time to catch the original.  Made in 1932 by OCD poster boy Howard Hughes, Scarface is just as shockingly violent as its modern counterpart.  Now remember, this was made in 1932, almost 80 years ago.  It's 5 years older than my father.  Onscreen violence was a much different beast back then, and this level of mob violence was only read about in newspapers, not displayed publicly on the silver screen.  The remake took many of the broad character developments and plotlines from the original, but cocaine replaced prohibition.  This is a magnificent crime story revolving around the rise and demise of a man and his friends and family.  As unfortunately broken as his mind was, Howard Hughes knew how to make a movie, and make it great.  Every camera movement was carefully planned and there are some wonderful tracking shots that, I can only assume, Orson Welles saw and duplicated when making Citizen Kane less than a decade later.  Viewing the movie today, it does come across as dated, especially with the language, but the meanings and intentions behind those old-fashioned words still resonate today.  A lot of the dialogue in the 1983 version is simply updated for the modern audience (seriously, watch both and then compare).

Paul Muni plays Tony with such wonderful abandon, that you almost believe this guy is a career criminal.  As Pacino showed us his emotions using dialogue and subtle expressions, Muni puts his emotions right on his face for the world to get a look at.  Jealousy, rage, happiness; it's all there on that wonderfully expressive mug.  Yes the acting is extremely "hammy" by today's standards, but those performances, so theatrical upon viewing, are just amazing to watch.

If you want to see one of the seminal crime dramas; a movie that helped to give birth to one of the most amazing genres around, see the 1932 version of Scarface.  It's got an amazing title sequence that looks to be an indictment of the government's approach to dealing with organized crime, but, reading between the lines, feels like the filmmakers are going after the actual prohibition laws.  A great movie, especially when viewed in tandem with the DePalma remake.  9/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 83: "If you build it, they will come."

Field of Dreams is one of those movies that I would admit to having never seen to my friends, and I would get everything from shocked stares to "No way have you gone all these years without seeing THAT one!"  It's true.  Up until today, I have never seen it.  It was kind of the same situation as Jaws, except NOBODY believed that I never saw that until I was in my late twenties.  Anyway, back to the movie du jour: Field of Dreams.  I have to say, it was over-hyped.  My dislike of Kevin Costner aside (more on that later), the story seemed really corny and too touchy-feely for me.  The premise was alright; a farmer hears a voice coming from his cornfield, heeds its advice, builds a baseball diamond, and reunites with a lot of classic baseball players.  Ultimately, he discovers that you have to follow your dreams, without worrying about the opinions of others.  Very 40's stuff here.  I feel almost un-American for not liking this more, but it bored the pants off me.  Call me nuts, but in this humble reviewer's eyes, For the Love of the Game was the better Costner baseball movie.  So sue me.

When I first saw Kevin Costner in No Way Out, I thought that he was going to be great.  After seeing most everything else he's done, I think he's a hack who got lucky.  His performance is just as wooden in Field as in the rest of his body of work.  He's angry: stone face, he's happy: stone face, he's sad: stone face.  You see where I'm going here.  Amy Madigan and James Earl Jones do a lot to keep this movie afloat, as does Ray Liotta as "Shoeless" Joe Jackson's ghost.

I can't say that this is the classic that most people believe it to be.  It wants to be an uplifting, touching family film about the power of dreams, but it just doesn't have the impact I had hoped for.  Maybe I should have watched something else and kept the illusion in my mind that I was really missing something here, but doing this blog is my dream, even though everyone said I was crazy, gosh-darn-it, I'm following my dream.  Sorry, too sarcastic?  5.75/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 82: "Your child belongs to Men-Tel. Crime does not pay."

When Fortress was released in 1992, there were a few unique things going on at the time.  Home video was in its early stages, and Christopher Lambert was considered a talented and popular actor.  I bring up the home video explosion because this is one of the main films that is responsible for the "Direct To Video" market being born.  Don't misunderstand, this WAS theatrically released, albeit for a very short period of time.  A B-movie through and through, Fortress takes place in a dark future where it is an imprisonable offense to have a second child.  A couple is found guilty, and the majority of the story takes place in the titular prison and revolves around the plan to escape.  Hokey and low-budget in the extreme, this movie would have been right at home in the 50's sci-fi craze.  This is a bad science fiction movie throughout, with little accuracy for anything scientific, and the fiction is pretty lax as well; crazy computers, intestinal behavioral modifications, laser grid bars on the cells...it's all there.  As bad as all that is though, I had fun.  What can I say, I have a weakness for corny.  It reminded me, heavily, of my all time favorite direct to video movies, Robot Jox, in terms of the future in which it is set.  This is one of those movies that's going to be a guilty pleasure.

Starring, as I said, Christopher Lambert, he continued his downward spiral of bad movies.  Funnily enough, that spiral began at the second film he made.  The acting equivalent of a one-hit-wonder, his heyday came and went with Highlander.  The original.  And that's it.  Really.  Kurtwood Smith tries to be as evil as he was in Robocop, but in more control.  Sorry, Red Foreman, not happening.  Jeffrey Combs, ironically, a direct-to-video staple, is wonderfully hammy.  Ever since I saw him in Re-animator, I thought he was a blast to watch.

So, to sum up, a terrible movie that is a lot of fun in spite of itself, Fortress now has a spot in my heart.  The side that has no taste and doesn't care that it has no taste.  I mean come on, a flamethrower is gonna take out a big rig? HAHAHAHA!!!!  .  If you're in the mood for grade-A Wisconsin cheddar, give this one a shot.  If you have no sense of humor about your movie choices, avoid it, but you won't respect yourself in the morning.  6.5/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 81: "Ain't nothin' in the world get Black Dynamite more mad than some jive-ass sucka' dealin' smack to the kids."

A parody of one of the most ridiculous genres in film history, Black Dynamite mercilessly goes after the "Blaxploitation" films of the early 70's.  Films like Shaft, Cleopatra Jones, Coffy, and The Mack are parodied in one of the funniest "homages" to a genre I've seen in a long time.  Attention was paid to every detail, from the music to the breakaway set pieces, everything is accurate to the time.  Even production goofs, that would normally be edited out are left in.  Lousy, out of focus scenes, boom microphones accidentally in shot, awful dialogue: it's all here, but this time it's intentionally funny.  Shot on, what looks like, film stock from the 70's, it's beautifully grainy.  This would actually suffer going to a high-def format.  Black Dynamite is hysterical from start to finish.  Seeking revenge for his slain brother, Black Dynamite goes on a sex fueled, bloody rampage hunting the killer.  On the way he uncovers a plot to destroy the 'hood through the cunning application of malt liquor.  Like I said, damn funny stuff.

The cast is headed up by Michael Jai White, who takes the role of Black Dynamite so seriously, it's funny on its own merits.  The rest of the cast is a who's who from the urban comedies of the late 80's and early 90's.  These guys were great, taking their roles to such an over-the-top level that no other recent comedies come close in pure laughs.

Rude, crude and absolutely smart, Black Dynamite is a blast to see.  Rated R for good reason, the kids probably won't get most of the jokes.  I had so much fun watching this, other filmmakers need to watch this to see how a parody should be made.  8/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 80: "Camera? Why don't you stop this? Why?"

Several years ago, I saw a German film called Das Experiment.  It was based on a novel by Mario Giordano which, itself was based on an infamous behavioral experiment conducted at Stanford in 1971.  There has been an American remake that was apparently too graphic and disturbing for American screens.  This was only released theatrically in Asia and parts of Europe, and it was (unfortunately) relegated to the Direct-to-Video bin.  Called simply The Experiment, it diverts in several disappointing ways from the German original, but is very close in its twisted spirit.  Essentially, the titular experiment involved getting a group of completely random men together, randomly separate them into two groups "Guards," who have "authority" and the tools to back it up, and "Inmates," who have no rights, but outnumber the "Guards" at a 2/1 ratio.  They were put into a secure location, locked in for fourteen days, and watched by the scientists.  The original experiment only lasted five days.  FIVE DAYS.  That's how quickly things went Lord of the Flies in real life.  This is a harrowing movie, not for the faint of heart.  It is a brutal look at human nature.

It stars Adrien Brody, in yet another role where he suffers inhuman treatment at the hands of others.  He is great in a role I wouldn't wish on someone of lesser talent.  Forest Whittaker is the main antagonist, bringing a raw insanity to his part.  The acting as a whole is great and there are no weak performances here.

The original German version is much better as a story, but this version presents the actual experiment in its most raw, and unadulterated form.  This movie will shred your nerves and make you wonder about how humanity got this far, but it is a hell of a ride.  To put it in perspective: it is several thousand degrees less brutal than A Serbian Movie, but makes Se7en feel like a trip through Disneyland.  Watch at your own risk, and definitely not for the kids.  7.75/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 79: "There should be a 'Captain' somewhere in there."

Just got back from seeing Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides, and I have to say, my feelings on this caused quite a stir with the little group I went with.  Let me begin by saying that the Pirates series is one of my all-time favorites (3rd on the list to be exact), and I went in wanting to love this.  Unfortunately, I merely liked it.  This is the Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull of this franchise.  No, not just in that it is the fourth movie, but that it is the least of the previous four.  This is still a very good movie, it is just that my standards for the series are so high, I expect a bit more from the installments.  The writers based the story here on the novel On Stranger Tides by Tim Powers instead of coming up with their own original tale this time out.  Concentrating on the search for the Fountain of Youth, it's a race between the English, the Spanish, and the pirates to reach it first.  Lots of the usual brawling, sword-centric action, and a lack of seagoing battles, this seems to be more of a pirate version of an Indiana Jones movie than a Pirates movie.  Jack is portrayed as much more of a hero in this as opposed to the swashbuckling, carefree, greedy buccaneer role model for Will Turner from the first three.  The character reveled in the attention, and without that, he comes off as a bit more careful in his actions, as a bit of remorse creeps in on past decisions.  Don't get me wrong here, he is still bats**t crazy and will steal anything not nailed down.  The addition of Blackbeard to the mix puts a second rival to Jack Sparrow's claim to fame, and seeing the way Barbossa, Jack and Blackbeard act together makes for a wonderful triangle of treachery (Axis of Evil was taken).

Watching Johnny Depp as Jack is like putting on a pair of comfortable slippers: you know what to expect, and won't be disappointed.  Geoffrey Rush also returns as Barbossa, although his performance seems a bit more subdued and less "YAR HAR, MATEY."  It was still fun.  Ian McShane was downright creepy as Blackbeard.  His performance was nowhere as over-the-top as one may have expected,  and showed the audience that this was the guy that pirates were taught to fear.  Penelope Cruz played Angelica, Blackbeard's daughter and one time interest of Jack.  Not a real fan of hers, but she did a good job here.

A minor gripe for me (historically) was that the Fountain of Youth was supposedly in, what would now be, Florida.  Jack's map at the end of At World's End seemed to confirm this.  Could someone please tell me where in Florida the mountain range the pirate crew traipses across during the last third of the movie is?  Most will argue with me here, but I enjoyed the first three more than this one.  It was still fun, deserving of the franchise tag, and one of the best pirate movies made, but just didn't hold my imagination the way the others did.  Worth a trip to the movies though.  8/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

***Rules For Going to See a Movie at the Theater, Part 2***

Just got back from the new Pirates movie, and I need to add a rule to my list:

Do not touch the chair directly in front of you
--This rule came to me today.  If there is someone in the chair in front of you, do everything you can to AVOID hitting it with your legs or feet.  One slip or accidental kick is acceptable, and actually expected, as one gets comfortable.  A constant, nervous kicking, tapping or pushing from behind is grounds for the person in said chair ripping your legs off and beating you to death with the bloody stumps.  Parents: explain to you children that this is rude and discourteous behavior that you (hopefully) would not accept at home.  Adults: you know that "personal space" bubble that everyone has?  It does extend to the rear.  Most theaters have plenty of space (I did say most) to get comfortable.  You getting comfortable at my expense is unacceptable.  Knock it off.  If no one is occupying the seat directly in front of you, all bets are off, do what you like.  If you find yourself in this situation, do what I do: quietly move to the seat directly behind your tormentor, and give 'em a taste of your foot skills.

More rules to come as I see the need.  Thanks for your attention, and review coming shortly.

Day 78: "Bah! Humbug...."

Two words that identify a classic ghost story as distinctly as the two notes that identify a classic shark tale.   Disney's A Christmas Carol is a wonderful retelling of the Dickens holiday staple.  I was leery of yet another rehash of this story, especially in 3D.  I have to admit being supremely impressed with, not just the technical achievements involved in animating this movie, but the story itself.  Ebeneezer Scrooge was always portrayed as unpleasant, but in this, as in the novel, he borders on downright evil.  Even with a few liberties taken to liven up the action, this is one of the closest adaptations of A Christmas Carol as has been produced since the 1951 Alastair Sim version.  This is definitely not you average Disney fare, either.  Truly scary at times, this is much more a tale of one man being haunted by his deeds than a raucous Christmas adventure.  Yes, the eventual redemption still occurs (sorry, I won't provide spoiler alerts here, if you don't know how this story ends, too bad.  He becomes a great guy.), but the journey getting there is much more creepy.  When Scrooge faces the fact of his own mortality and legacy, it is a genuinely moving scene.  The animation is some of the best character work done through CGI as well.  The actors appear to be slight characitures of themselves, modified for whatever role they are playing.

Jim Carrey plays multiple roles in this, mainly Scrooge.  In an inspired bit of casting, he also portrays all three Ghosts.  Think about it, he plays the tormented soul and the inner voices of his own redemption.  Absolutely brilliant.  Gary Oldman as Cratchit and Marley, and Colin Firth as Scrooge's nephew Fred; both were great as well.  There is just a plethora (I have always loved that word) of acting talent in this, and with the astronomical technical level of the animation, their performances shine through.

Of course, this is a movie to add to the collection for the holidays, but for when you want a solid haunting as well.  A real surprise and treat to watch, I want this in all its glorious blu-rays.  The 3D was a bit heavy at times, but the rest was so good, I was easily able to look past it.  I don't care what time of year it is, there is no bad time to watch this movie.  9.25/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 77: "This is Jack Godell. We have a serious condition."

The China Syndrome.  This 1979 movie was released on the heels of the Three Mile Island disaster in central Pennsylvania, almost as a pseudo-drama-mentary.  The story of a close call nuclear disaster at a fictional California nuclear power plant and the ensuing attempted cover-up.  I have seen bits and pieces of this, but never in its entirety.  One part cereal packet science lesson, and two parts conspiracy theory, this unlikely pairing blends into one tense thriller.  Made during the end of the 70's "Disaster Craze" The China Syndrome is a much more subdued, personal disaster movie, due largely to the fact that the powers-that-be tried desperately to cover up the mess, and the public never found out.  The name of the movie refers to the phenomenon that would occur in the event of a catastrophic, overall meltdown.  When that happened, the technicians would say "the core will drop through the Earth and come out in China" and voila, the nickname for a meltdown was born.  This is an edge-of-your-seat drama.  A reporter's odyssey through a once in a lifetime story, and the effect that this particular story has on world events.

I do understand that certain people are not "Fonda" Jane, but all politics aside, she is great in this.  A "fluff" reporter who stumbles into this story, she does a wonderful job showing the shock and awe (sorry, but in this case the term applies literally) of someone thrown into the middle of a potential disaster.  A young Michael Douglas portrays her "liberal left" cameraman/director, and again, has a marvelous performance.  Jack Lemmon absoulely steals every scene that he is in.  Hands down my favorite performance next to Glengarry Glen Ross.  Amazing enough for an Academy Award nomination for Best Actor, A BAFTA (British Oscars) and Cannes Film Festival winner for the same category.  Just....wow.

If you are a fan of conspiracy films, Jack Lemmon, or just well crafted films, see this movie.  Do not let a 40+ year grudge against a young, naive (read:stupid) actress keep you from one of the best disaster/conspiracy films ever made.  Given the situation in Japan, also, once again, a relevant film.  9/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 76: "Ladies and gentlemen.....I guess that takes in most of you."

Three names in comedy that say it all: Groucho, Harpo, & Chico.  Geniuses one and all.  I have seen most of the 100 top films of all time, according to the American Film Institute, but for whatever reason, A Night At the Opera eluded me.  Man was I missing something.  I thought the jokes and comedy would be dated, was I wrong.  The timing and one-liners are right on the mark, I just kept laughing.  Out loud.  A lot.  The story, as it is, revolves around an arrogant Italian opera singer's attempts to get both the girl and the starring role in New York, and the journey there.  The Marx Brothers are the con men trying to get their "clients" to New york as well.  This has every type of comedy available: physical pratfalls, quick talk, puns, sight gags, the whole kit and caboodle.  I don't remember the last time I really laughed this hard during a movie.  It's amazing to me how talented the Marx Brothers were.  Chico on the piano and Harpo on the, well, harp were amazing pieces of physical comedy

The main drawback, for me, were the number of songs.  yes, i get it, it's called A Night At the Opera, but most of them seemed superfluous.  Opera at the opera, ok, spontaneous opera on a steamer at sea, not so much.  A minor gripe. 

If you have never seen the Marx brothers in action there are two that you must see: Duck Soup, and this.  One of the most brilliant ongoing gags in film history is here, as the boys try to find out exactly how many people can fit into a third class cabin.  It just keeps getting funnier.  This movie is a genuine classic of American cinema, and should be on your movie bucket list.  It's just that fantastic.  9.25/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 75: "This marriage has the shelf life of a banana."

Well, it was a good run.  Saw a bunch of pretty good movies in a row there, and then there's When In Rome.   A completely inane, stupid romantic comedy.  It never bodes well when the story has to resort to a silly "superstitious magic" to get its point across.  A curator at the Guggenheim Museum goes to Italy for her sister's wedding, gets ripped, pulls some coins from a "fountain of love," and her life gets turned completely upside-down by a bevy of idiotic suitors.  Seriously idiotic.  Silly (in the bad way) from start to finish, this was just a really annoying movie.  It almost seems like it was written by a thirteen year old girl wrote this because she thought this was what love was supposed to be about.  Insulting, actually.

So, just avoid this stinker.  It sucks.  Not as bad as a lot I've seen lately, but, WOW, is it bad. 2.5/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 74: "Good judgement comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.""

After watching recent releases starring Jason Statham, to say I was apprehensive about watching The Mechanic was quite the understatement.  You know, I actually enjoyed it.  Nowhere near as over the top as Crank or the Transporter sequels.  This movie seems to be more of the spiritual successor, or replacement, for the poor Timothy Olyphant vehicle Hitman (which is ironic considering the role of Agent 47 was custom built for Statham).  Much more a thinking man's actioner, The Mechanic follows the story of a professional hitman, employed by the U.S. government.  He eventually has to do a job that hits a bit too close to home, he takes on an apprentice, and the movie goes from there.  Lots of story and set up, brutal action, and a great sense of style come together in a really fun action film.  This movie doesn't fall into the trap of simulating a lot of action through a bunch of jump cuts, making it feel like the old school Charles Bronson flick instead of a seizure.  What I like the most, is the care the filmmakers go through to set up the assassinations, having them appear to be accidents or of natural causes.  A wise man once said "any fool can shoot a gun, but it takes skill to hunt."  I couldn't agree more.

Jason Statham reels his usual antics back in this film, coming across as intelligent and calculating.  A wonderful change of pace.  Ben Foster (Angel in X-Men: The Last Stand) was great as Statham's newly minted partner.  Both men brought a seriousness to the film that may have been turned into sarcasm or comedy by others.  Donald Sutherland and Tony Goldwyn both have small, but meaty roles that contribute nicely to the story.

A lot of fun throughout, The Mechanic is a throwback movie to the heyday of 70's action.  Good story still goes a long way towards an entertaining film.  Watch and enjoy.  8.25/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 73: "I worry about how information is passed at this school."

I was really upset when John Hughes passed away a few years ago.  His particular brand of smart humor and storytelling style got me through high school knowing that there were dorks like me out there.  Easy A is a wonderful homage/tribute to the high school, John Hughes-esque movies I grew up with.  In general, modern high school movies know nothing about what high school was really like.  The writers are too far removed from the experience (as miserable as it was).  The school culture in Easy A is as close to what everyone would remember about the misery of grades 9-12.  The cliques, the sheer idiocy, the vicious rumor mill, the fickle friendships...it's all there.  The story of one girl's lie(s) gone horribly out of control and making her social life hell, this movie is actually quite good.  The jokes were smart and timed well, and it had the feel of a classic John Hughes movie.  The filmmakers actually pay tribute to their fallen muse with several well placed scenes stolen directly from Hughes' movies.  I can't believe I liked this movie this much.

Emma Stone continues to show that she is going to be an actress to be reckoned with.  Her comedic timing is perfect, and plays her character to be absolutely believable.  She plays a smart, snarky girl caught up in a situation of her own doing, and does everything she can to correct it.  Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson almost steal the show as her liberal parents.  The rest of the student body is made up of all the old high school cliches in the book, from religious right crazies to ultra-perky cheerleaders.

I have to admit, Easy A is a light, fun blast from the past.  This is how high school relationship movies need to made.  Forget the toilet humor of the American Pie type of adolescent humor.  Treat your target audience and the material with respect and you come up with a film like this.  Well done.  8/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

***Rules For Going to See a Movie at the Theater***

OK people, I really need to get this off my chest.  When you got out to see a movie, remember that you are in PUBLIC.  There are other people to consider.  Just because you paid, doesn't give you the right to assume you can act like an inconsiderate A-hole.  Everyone else in that theater paid for their tickets too.  So here is my list of rules that need to be POSTED and ENFORCED at every movie theater.

1) Turn off your cell phone before you enter the theater
-Simple reasoning here folks, if it's off before you go into the auditorium, you won't forget once you are seated and comfortable.  You are excused from this if you are an on-call doctor.  Everyone else: IT CAN WAIT.  Your texts regarding whether or not you should dump your current fling, or when you can pick up your chronic will be there after the movie.

2) SHUT THE HELL UP!
-The theater is not your living room, be quiet.  Respect the fact that those around you paid to watch and HEAR the movie.  They didn't shell out their hard earned cash to hear you yammer on about how bad work sucks or listen to you sing along with the soundtrack.  In line with this rule, the movie doesn't know you are there: stop telling the person on screen to not go upstairs because that is where the killer is.  Don't read out loud what is written on screen, it makes you looks stupid.  Lastly, keep your snarky comments to yourself.  If you ARE a comedian, keep it for your act where people pay to see you talk.  Reacting to what is there is fine, a good scare almost requires a shriek of surprise, but don't take it too far.

3) Parents are accountable for their childrens' behavior.
-Parents, it's your job to keep your offspring behaved and in line.  Allow me to say on behalf of the rest of the civilized world: If you can't control your child(ren), get out and let the rest of us enjoy the movie in peace.  Yeah, you paid your money for admission, but so did we.  Nothing, NOTHING is worse in a theater than a crying infant/child or a child who doesn't realize that this is not home, and we can't pause the movie until you shut your yap.  If the child is crying, take them to the lobby until they have calmed down, please.  If the child is insistent on wanting to know what is going on in the movie, take them to the lobby to explain, and then explain about being quiet during the movie.

That's it.  Not difficult.  Once the lights go down, it's showtime.  End the conversations, watch the movie you paid to see, and let the rest of us do the same.  End of sermon.

Day 72: "Someday I will make you proud."

Kenneth Branagh has successfully brought another superhero from the Marvel stable to the screen.  Thor is another in a loose series of films introducing the Avengers individually prior to the film coming out next year.  The "Marvelized" origin of the Norse god is well told, as the filmmakers went to past writers of the comic book series (including Walt and Louise Simonson and J. Michael Straczynski) to flesh out his robust history.  Most origin movies would not have gone to the extent of including Sif and The Warriors Three in this movie, but a much larger chunk of Asgardian history is included without sacrificing anything from the main tale.  Lots of fun from the start, the action and fights are sufficiently grandiose, Asgard is full of slplendor (although, I would have preferred it to be more....Norse), and Earth is, as always, in need of protection.  My main issue, is what I would call the use of "Tavern Morality."  One of my co-workers called it "Pancake Morality," but they are essentially the same.  In a nutshell, "Tavern Morality" is the exact moment in a movie when the hero realizes that he/she has to do the right thing, because it is the right thing to do, thereby breaking the selfish behavior they have demonstrated all movie.  This also, 9 times out of 10 takes place in a bar (in the case of Thor: at breakfast).  I understand realization occurs suddenly, but at least give us a clue it's coming.

The cast is wonderful as well.  Chris Hemsworth 'roided up nicely to play Thor (joking!!!) and gives the God a nice sense of humanity.  Natalie Portman, well, we all know she can act, but her character is a bit two dimensional here.  Anthony Hopkins is Odin, American newcomer Tom Hiddleton is wicked as Loki, and Clark Gregg returns as intrepid S.H.I.E.L.D. Agent Coulson.

Worth seeing in theaters, Thor captures the epic tendencies of the Marvel hero without sacrificing story in the process.  Also, stick around after the credits, as Marvel hero movies continue their predilection for a short teaser at the very end.  see it and have fun!  8.5/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 71: "I can't concentrate on my porn with all this real sex going on!"

No Strings Attached is a strange movie.  It looked, from the trailers, like it was a guy's take on a chick flick.  Actually, sitting down to watch it, yeah, it's a straight up chick flick.  Not in the bad, my best girlfriend-is-dying-of-cancer kind of way, but in more of a well-my-boyfriend-is-here-so-lets-make-it-funny way.  The premise was great, two friends who decide to be "friends with benefits."  One thing leads to another, and VOILA, chick flick.  It very quickly became a standard, romantic comedy, taking no chances, and being very vanilla.  It was like every other romantic comedy out there trying to rope the opposite sex into the theater with sophomoric jokes.  I kind of expect better from the director who gave us Ghostbusters. 

Stars Ashton "Mr. Demi Moore" Kutcher and Natalie Portman do the best they can with a mediocre script, but even they can't spice up this one.  Kevin Kline has an all-too-small role as Kutcher's philandering father.  The scenes with him are the funniest in the movie, but there are not enough.  The rest of the cast...meh.

I'd hoped for better, but I guess it wasn't in the cards tonight.  Like I said, very vanilla, very ordinary, and not overly funny.  There's better out there, find 'em and watch 'em.  6/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 70: "The best thing to happen to me after I cut off my own damn arm was handicapped parking at the Mall."

OK, I'm a glutton for punishment, and not the kind doled out by Jigsaw in Saw 3D.  No, this is the punishment reserved for those of us who actually like this series.  It's like watching a car accident (literally): you just have to look and say to yourself, "Why am I watching this?  More importantly, why am I fascinated?"  Another in the ongoing gorefest franchise, Saw 3D seems to revel in its ability to out-gore the previous six movies.  It's as if the writers come up with the sadistic tests, THEN write the plot.  Having seen all of the Saw movies, I am truly amazed how the writers actually try to stick to the convoluted plot threads and keep reintroducing characters from past movies.  The sheer number of "disciples" that the original Jigsaw (played by Tobin Bell) has recruited through his games blows my mind.  Talk about Stockholm Syndrome gone berserk.  No spoilers here, but man, I did not see this victim's return coming,  although, I probably should have.

The Saw cast these days seems to be a recurring ensemble.  With the exception of the victims, most notably Chester Bennington of Linkin Park (who was probably cast for his ability to scream quite effectively), the cast remains the same as the previous films.  Given the continuity, a good thing.  I will not give the surprise guest star away, as it was cool as hell to see this actor back.

All in all, a satisfying end (supposedly) to a franchise that has been grossing us out since 2004.  I am sorry to see it end, but hey, let face it, it was gonna start getting REALLY stupid soon.  I will miss you, John Kramer.  Your particular brand of chaos will be missed by at least one reviewer *a single tear rolls gently down my cheek*.  7/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 69: "25 Yards? Are you suggesting we're not even in the Red Zone?"

The Dilemma is not the usual fare I've come to expect from director Ron Howard, and that is a good thing, in this case.  Billed as a straight comedy, it has a bit more drama than one would have expected.  Kind of like Liar, Liar in that it has a strong morality play with a healthy serving of great comedy on top.  The story follows the relationship between two friends when one witnesses the others' wife cheating on him.  The twist here is that the friend is good friends with the cheating wife as well.  A whole lot of chaos ensues.  This movie was genuinely funny, but it also had a lot of my least favorite form of comedy.  It's what I like to call the "Lemon Face" funny; it's painful to watch, and you make a face like you just sucked on sour fruit.  The kind of comedy where you see the outcome coming and can do nothing too prevent the inevitable, agonizing outcome.  Howard again delivers a fun, entertaining, non offensive movie that will appeal to a broad audience.

Vince Vaughn and Kevin James star as the college buddies-gone-into-business-together at the center of the moral quandry.  They display an excellent chemistry that looks like they've been working together for years.  I'm actually surprised that the James role wasn't done by Jon Favreau, as he and Vaughn have already demonstrated that they have magnificent chemistry, but I digress.

Quite a lot of fun, although, as I said, painful at times to watch.  No toilet or gross humor here, worth a spot on your Netflix queue.  Oh yeah, it's got hockey as well, so points for that!  8/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Apologies....

Sorry about the lack of a post yesterday, there was maintenance going on Blogger, and it was "read-only."  There will be a double post today, as I did watch The Dilemma yesterday and Saw 3D today.  Reviews coming shortly!!!  Thanks, and I hope that my streak is still considered intact.

See you in a few minutes!!

Day 68: "In or out, kiddo. In or out, right now."

There is something to be said for the style of movies pre-MTV.  The Star Chamber (1983) is a great thriller that relies solely on script, acting and an effective director to tell its story.  There are no jump cuts to a different actions set piece every 30 seconds, no overbearing techno-metal soundtrack to build tension, no 3D gimmickry, and no unnecessary special effects.  A story told simply and acted marvelously.  The Star Chamber is the story of a Los Angeles superior court judge who, through myriad technicalities in the modern penal code, has had to let known, hardened criminals walk free.  He discovers that a like-minded group of judges has put together their own court to decide the innocence or guilt of the men who got off because of clever legal maneuvering.  This is a thriller told in the classic, golden-age of Hollywood way.  Scenes are shown in such a way that the actors and the script absolutely shine.  Here's a tip to the young up-and-coming directors out there: Let the camera and actors do the work.  I found the tension built in this very well, because I could see how the actors were reacting to particular pieces of the story, because the camera stayed on them. 

Michael Douglas, recently off his stint on The Streets of San Francisco (severely dating myself here) does a fantastic job as Judge Hardin.  You actually see this man's anguish and pain over the choices that he is forced to "legally" make, and the actions he is made to perform.  Honestly, this is my favorite performance of his next to Gordon Gekko.  Hal Holbrook also stars as Hardin's mentor/friend, Judge Caulfield, a cynical battle-weary judge who brings Hardin into the cabal.  Yaphet Kotto and James B. Sikking also have great roles to perform in this.

This movie bombed back in 1983, but I love it.  This movie has some really far fetched plot points, but the thought of a group of judges getting together to mete out justice in their own "cowboy court" is just to cool to pass up.  Check it out.  8.25/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 67: "It be not you, it be me."

There are just some movies I can't help but facepalming during the whole thing.  For those not in the know, facepalming is a physical manifestation of the phrase "Oh my God, I can't believe I am watching this."  Take either hand and cover your face, palm to face.  Gulliver's Travels (2010) is such a movie.  From about the ten minute mark, I sat there, wondering when this was going to end.  The writers could only get their hands on the Cliff's Notes version of the classic book, apparently, as this was such a bare-bones "adaptation."  Granted, my hopes were not high for this to be good, but I expected a couple of laughs.  Nope.  Nothing.  They moved the story to modern times, having Lemuel Gulliver as a guy from the mailroom with a puppy-dog crush on a travel writer at the newspaper where they are both employed.  His aspirations get the better of him, and he is soon on his first trial as a travel writer.....in the Bermuda Triangle *insert facepalm here*.  The filmmakers exhibited the same kind of quality control here that most game developers reserve for the Wii (read: none).

As many of you are aware, I am not a fan of Jack Black, and my mind remains firmly unchanged.  He's trying too hard to be funny, and it comes off as annoying.  *SPOILER ALERT* there is a musical rendition of the song "War" at the end of the movie, Jackie Chan's version from Rush Hour was better, and English is his second language.  Jason Segel, Emily Blunt, Amanda Peet, Billy Connolly, and Catherine Tate also star in this, but I can't understand what any of them saw in the script.

Bad from start to finish, I want to go back and watch the classic 1939 animated version as a palette cleanser.  the Ted Danson TV miniseires was actually the most accurate adaptation for those interested.  Watch something else, preferably without Jack Black for your evening's entertainment. 3.75/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 66: "Please keep your hands out of your scrotal zone at work."

I'm normally not really big on comedies of the romantic nature as they tend to be over-saturated with estrogen, leaving the males in the audience a bit alienated.  Run, Fatboy, Run is the exception.  The perfect date night movie to appease the women looking for a love story, and the guys, who just want to see Simon Pegg be funny as hell.  I had a lot of fun watching this, the story of a man who has made a horrifically tragic decision, and is forced to live with the consequences, even after running away.  This movie is in the same vein as Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, not in the fact that it stars Pegg, but that it does an expert job analyzing and reconstructing the genre into a movie for those who may not appreciate it for what it is.  The laughs are abundant and out loud, as I caught myself several times.  Through the story, Dennis (Pegg) attempts to correct and undo the biggest mistake of his life, only to attempt, as a last ditch effort, to run a marathon to win his love back.

Pegg, as always is fantastic.  His comedic timing is perfect, and his expressions are hysterical.  He perfected the role of "dork turned hero" and finally uses it to get the girl (sort of).  Thandie Newton is his estranged girlfriend Libby, and the immensely talented Hank Azaria plays chief rival, the ugly American, Whit.  As in "I don't care one.." 

I really had a blast watching this, and if you are a fan of the Simon Pegg School of Genre Filmmaking, so should you.  I was surprised to discover this film was directed by David Schwimmer (of Friends fame) and co-written by Pegg and Michael Ian Black (of VH1's I Love the... fame).  Very nice!  A fun movie for anyone's date night, this movie is worth seeing.  8.25/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 65: "If I were a German, you'd be dead."

If we got only one thing from the World War 2, it was an endless supply of villains.  Let's face it, the only other bad guys in as copious abundance as the Nazis are zombies.  In Defiance, the Nazis are, as ever, the main antagonists, but the twist here is there are baddies among the good as well.  This is, to my memory, the first Holocaust movie where the Jewish refugees fight back.  It was refreshing to see them standing up for what they believed, and not just cowering in a hidey-hole, waiting for the danger to pass them by.  This is the story of four brothers whose family was wiped out in a raid on their village, and the group of fellow survivors that they inevitably save in their quest for freedom.  Yes, the Nazis are evil, but the movie delves deeper into the psyche of the refugees than in to the horror of the Holocaust.  These people, subjected to living and being hunted like animals, never become animals.  Whenever the group is threatened, which was more internal than I would have believed, they find a way to regain and maintain their humanity. 

The cast is wonderful, headed by Daniel Craig.  Bond notwithstanding, this is his best work to date.  He managed to make the pain and desperation that Tuvia (the eldest brother and leader of the group) felt seem real and palpable.  Another personal favorite, Liev Schreiber, plays the hothead brother Zus.  Another great performance from him as well.

Athough it dragged a bit at times, I really liked this movie.  It showed a side of the Holocaust that has not been portrayed often, that of raw defiance in the face of evil, and the willingness to fight back to protect humanity.  8.25/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 64: "Maybe you're a woman in search of a word."

Eat Pray Love.  I know, I forfeited my manhood for two hours and fifteen minutes.  In a nutshell, the story of one crazy woman's mid-life crisis.  That's about it.  Two and a quarter hours of one woman's struggles to overcome her insecurities interspersed with a lot of pretentious Julia Roberts acting.  **Spoiler alert**: the title does let you know EXACTLY what is going to happen in each of the three acts. She eats in Italy, prays in India and loves in Bali....how clever.  The most interesting part of the movie takes place in Italy, and it wasn't interesting because of her emotional journey.  I am convinced that it is impossible to shoot Italy in a way as to not be appealing and beautiful,  I now want to go there.  Badly.  This movie drags on and on, following this woman on her quest for self acceptance.  One question though: how is it, that these people can afford to just take a year "off" to find themselves?  In-patient therapy would have been cheaper.

Julia Roberts is, as always, pretentious.  No surprise there, eh?  Javier Bardem was pretty good in his role as the love interest.  This was as far from his turn in No Country For Old Men as he could possibly get.  James Franco, Billy Crudup, and Richard Jenkins round out the "difficult men in her life" roles quite nicely. 

My wife agreed with me that the main reason I didn't relate to this movie was because of my intimate affiliation with the Y chromosome.  I think it's a lot more reasonable explanation that this was not a great movie.  I've (mostly unwillingly) seen my fair share of chick flicks, some great, most crap; this falls somewhere in the middle.  I found this to be more like: Sit Watch Snooze.  5.5/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!! 

Day 63: "Let's go Steve, we have diem to carpe!"

Sorry guys, not feeling it tonight.  Cloudy With a chance of Meatballs.  Fun, family movie. 7/10.  That is all.

See you tomorrow, and go watch a movie...or don't, whatever.

Review scores for month #2

I've seen the best and the worst this month.  Honestly, this was not a great movie month, as the average score I handed out was a 5.75/10.  I can only hope I pick better movies.  To everyone who has sent me a list of new ones: thank you and keep the suggestions coming, I appreciate them.  I'm about out of my original list, and those you have recommended are replenishing the well nicely.  Well, with out any further hubbub, here is the last moth in scores:

Metallica: Some Kind of Monster-9.25
The Social Network-9
Push-3
Bride Wars-6.5
Crazy Heart-9.25
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader-7
Robin Hood [2010]-8.25
127 Hours-8.5
The Warrior's Way-6.5
Observe and Report-2
The Book of Eli-8.5
Planet 51-6.25
Land of the Lost-7.75
Jonah Hex-3.5
Punisher: Warzone-6.5
Horton Hears A Who-7.75
The King's Speech-10-**PICK OF THE MONTH**
Predators-6
The Spirit-3.5
Earthquake-1.5
Bolt-5
Hamlet 2-2.5
Saw VI-6.75
Up In the Air-6
Burlesque-5.5
Get Carter [2000]-5.75
Transporter 3-3.5
Crank: High Voltage-0-**STINKER OF THE MONTH**
Green Hornet-6.25
Vampires Suck-.25

62 down, 303 to go.  Still going, still regretting about half of my decisions, still hoping people are amused by my musings.  Thanks to everybody reading this, in whatever country you are in (U.S.A., Hungary, Denmark, Singapore, Russia, Germany, China, Canada, the U.K, and anywhere else I missed!!), I can't believe I've had over 1300 hits in just 2 months!!!  Thanks, and keep reading!!

Day 62: "You got franks AND beans there...good girl..."

I wish I understood the mindset of a production company when they decide what movies to produce.  Vampires Suck is one such decision I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for.  The only thing I can think of that got this green lit is blackmail.  The spoof genre has been around a long, long time.  It was perfected by the mad genius Mel Brooks and his masterpiece Young Frankenstein.  There is now a new opposite end of the spectrum.  This movie was awful, even below the low expectations I had going in.  The jokes are recycled to point that they are compost.  I was fascinated when I heard my wife laugh at a scant couple of scenes.  When I asked what exactly was funny, she said I wouldn't understand since I hadn't seen or read the Twilight series (and I have never been more grateful for passing that up).  Herein lies the movie's greatest flaw:  it's meant for the Twilight crowd, and no one else.  Someone watching this cold, will miss 80% of the jokes, and the other 20% just is so played out, it's not funny, it's groan inducing.  I'm sure that if I actually had gone to a theater to see this, I would have left 15 minutes in.  I've only ever done that 3 times in my life.

Awful, awful, awful. I wasted my time so that you now won't have to.  For those unfortunate Twilight fans reading this: if you love the series as much as you say, don't give this movie the time of day.  It borders on insulting, and I HATE everything Edward and/or Jacob. HATE.  .25/10.

I really need to start putting more care into my choices, this is really getting painful.  See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 61: "I'm Indy and you're Short Round!"

When Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg sat down to write the screenplay for The Green Hornet, it was pretty obvious that the had the '60's TV show in mind.  I was a fan of the show in my youth, as it was very similar to Batman, which was also a blast.  What they finished with was an updated, "hipper" version of that show.  I wasn't really expecting a lot from this movie, but I have to admit to being mildly entertained by the camp factor and that Kato is still a badass (physically and intellectually) after all this time.  Definitely not your standard superhero movie, Green Hornet seems to take pride in the fact that is is a B-grade hero story.  After his immensely wealthy, estranged father is murdered, Britt Reid takes up his mantle as head of The Daily Sentinel, an L.A. newspaper.  Completely unfit for the position, Britt and his father's old mechanic, Kato, spend time "bonding" (read: drinking) and decide to do the masked vigilante thing.  Chaos ensues, and bad guys get annihilated.  Very formulaic and predictable, i still kind of enjoyed it.  I'm not sure if this is due to the rash of stinkers I have seen lately, but I'll take it for what it's worth.

Seth Rogen does his usual slacker performance, nothing special here, but Jay Chou (Kato) was a lot of fun to watch.  Unfortunately, with his heavy accent, his lines are sometimes hard to distinguish, but his action scenes more than made up for this drawback.  Cameron Diaz, Tom Wilkinson, and Christopher Waltz round out the cast, with Waltz delivering a great, hammy performance as Chudnofsky (the main villain).

Not Superman, and a long way from the horrendous '80's Captain America, The Green Hornet enters itself into the plethora of superhero movies at just above the midway point. 6.25/10.

OK, tomorrow I'll be putting up the scores for the last month, with my PICK and STINKER of the month highlighted.  So 2 posts, then.  See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 60: "Where have you been for the last three months? I thought you were dead!"

Worst.  Movie.  I.  Have.  Ever.  Seen.  That sums up my comprehensive review of Crank : High Voltage.   Really.  It's not just sequel bad, it gives bad a whole new definition.  Shot like the director was having a seizure and a heart attack at the same time, no shot goes for more than 5 seconds before there is a really bad jump cut.  The continuity is a joke, and for some reason, there is an "homage" (it's the only word I could come up with to describe it, and that's not even close) Godzilla fight.  I swear to God it's there.  An overly gratuitous and bizarre sex scene goes on much to long for even poor taste to be served, this is by a long, long way, the absolute worst film I have seen outside of a toilet bowl.  I would happily watch Little Fockers repeatedly if it meant I could unsee this.

I'm convinced, after two consecutive days of Statham, that this man needs guidance in a desperate way.  Dude, get a new agent, ASAFP, because your career is being flushed down the drain before our eyes.  The rest of the cast is (mostly) one-shot has-beens. 

There are no, i'll repeat that because it's somewhat important, NO redeeming qualities to this trash heap.  Run away from it like it's going to kill you.  Never speak it's name or your firstborn is forfeit to the evil that it is.  This is a first for me, and hopefully, a last. 0/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH ANY MOVIE BUT THIS ONE!!!!  I'm not kidding, my eyes are still bleeding.

Day 59: "One condition: I drive my own car."

If you like your action canned, your heroes cardboard, and your stories by-the-numbers, then Transporter 3 is the movie for you.  Another chapter in the franchise, (I'll let you guess which it is) The Transporter is only transporting itself in to oblivion.  This is the character that Arnold Schwarnegger was mocking so mercilessly in Last Action Hero: the "had-enough-of-the-job" professional, forced back into action by less than reputable characters.  He gets into his uber-charged Audi, and we go at a hundred miles an hour from this point on.  It was interesting the first time, by now it's just played out, even with the weak twist of Frank not being able to get more than 75 feet from his car due to an explosive bracelet. It was done better in The Running Man, which is an indictment in itself.

Cockney stud Jason Statham continues his role as the ever dapper driver, a role he now doesn't even have to try to play.  The rest of the cast is rendered irrelevant by the fast cars and explosions.

This is one of those movies that you might want to watch on a cable movie channel, late on a Saturday night, after having one too many drinks.  This character and franchise was once good, but is now a mockery of what it once was, which wasn't much to begin with.  As predictable as you could imagine, one can only hope this will be the last of them, unless it makes a buck, then all bets are off.  Best avoided at any speed. 3.5/10.

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!

Day 58: "You don't fix things Jack, you break them."

I understand Hollywood's need to remake great, or even good movies from the past.  In the "artistic" sense, they want to expose a new audience to movies that my not be readily available, or through the generation gap, not easily understood.  In reality, they see dollar signs.  Being a fan of the British mob movies such as The Long Good Friday, Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, and Layer Cake, I was interested to see the United States' take on the genre.   Get Carter is a remake of the film of the same name from 1971.  The original was a great British crime drama that had a tight, edgy story, great acting, and solid direction.  The remake, to be blunt, had none of these things.  I'll never understand how the story in a remake is worse than what the original was.  The filmmakers have a script and plot that was already successful; updating the dialogue for a more modern audience should not change the story.  The action in this was predictable, and in a couple of places, redundant (two separate car chases within 10 minutes of each other?).  Essentially this is a story of Jack Carter (a mob enforcer in Vegas) and his quest for information and revenge on those who murdered his estranged brother.

Starring Sylvester Stallone as Jack, he plays him as a very cool professional, even when high emotion would be involved.  C'mon Sly, you can do better.  The remaining cast includes: Miranda Richardson, Rachael Leigh Cook, Mickey Rourke, and Alan Cumming.  In the twist but of casting, they actually got Michael Caine to play a role in this (he was great, as usual).  You'd think with the original Carter in the movie, the filmmakers might have picked his brain for some ideas or experiences from the first; I guess not.

I actually did see what direction they wanted to go with this, but in the end, it was slow to develop, the characters: uni-dimensional, and the action and fights: uninspired.  It could have been really good and a credit to its predecessor and the revenge genre as a whole, but in the end it was just boring.  5.75/10

See you tomorrow, and GO WATCH A MOVIE!!